muddled thoughts!!!!: June 2005

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

JUST NOTHING.....

i'm here sitting in front of my computer doing this blog for nothing.....wala na kong magawa and i don't wanna go home yet....honestly??? right now my mind is blank, can't think of anything....i'm just listening to MYMP's songs but still there's nothing, parang i feel numb and i don't know why....it's raining outside, very gloomy, maybe that's the reason why....i feel sad and lonely when it's raining especially when i'm used in seeing the sun during this time of the day.....one thing more i probably miss someone.................MY BESTFRIEND!!!!

i hope you're reading this....i miss you soooooo much.....i loooooveeeee you!!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

NAKAKAHIYA!!!!

i forgot to tell you this!!!!

last saturday, june 18, we had an extemporaneous speaking here in the office...the participants are very good coz they had the guts to do it, if it had been me??for sure i'll faint the moment that i step in the middle....

after each set of speakers, they're having a special number and peeay was one of them, galing talaga!! ang tapang nila.....after all the presenter have done their job and we're still waiting for the announcement of the winners and the judges was still computing for scores, the MC's and the managers called for anyone who wants to sing.....after 2 or 3 volunteers they called for my name and all of a sudden i don't know what to do, i felt really helpless, i may look extrovert outside but i still have this fear of getting humiliated and that other people may make fun of me....but ms. anji (our manager) told me that i have to develop my confidence...actually i have a problem w/ my guts coz i don't have a lot of it.....

looks like i don't have any choice so eventhough my body went numb and i'm so scared of what other people might say, i still did it, i sang "sway", it's just amusing that after what i did....people knows me told me that they are proud of me for doing such thing which by the way boost my confidence somehow.....

thanx guys for the support!!!! :-)

Saturday, June 18, 2005

BRINGS IT ALL BACK

yesterday after lunch i'm in the pantry to wash my utensils, then my officemate (let's pretend that the name of my officemate is RAYMOND.....hehehehehe!!!!) went near me to get a mug and as he walk closer, a smell so familiar caught my attention.....suddenly my mind flew, it brought back something.....a very special and exceptional memory came to me.....the time suddenly stopped, at first i wanna feel sad but then i asked myself "why?".....and i thought there is no good reason to be lonely.....that's why i just enjoy raymond's scent.....brings back the good memories....

by the way just for info raymond's perfume is polo......

it's just funny to think that you'll easily recall something special eventhough you're not thinking of them at all....the reason can be because you just bump into something that most likely reflect a little of that person even just the small things like the smell......

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

HAPPY AKO..... :-)

it was so weird last saturday.....it's 5:30, i'm still in the office and i'm not in the mood, then out of nowhere i invited al and arn to have merienda, when we're walking i don't feel like going anymore but since we're there i thought, "why not, for sure it will not take long", so we went. then instantly my mood changed, i don't know why ( it's funny!!!! hehehehe :) ....... no wonder they call me schizo!!!) the thought of "it will not take long" took 4 hrs of staying in Mcdo at St. Francis....we left at 10pm.....the time ran so fast we didn't notice it.....we talked about everything, private lives, secrets, jokes, experiences.......and a whole lot more!!!!

after that, i felt good......i felt happy already......then sunday came, although i went late to church it's fine.....i thought jojie will teach the POSTCOM but sadly she can't come coz her lola's in the hospital (prayers for jojie's lola.....please!!!!)

another thing that made me happy is i had spent time with kathy (a.k.a HOOVIE) again, i miss my dedebear hoovie and leth had an overnight at our house......talked sooooo much about everything......

oh before i forgot i had a chance to talk to r0n and update him with what 's happening here in the office......in the same token he had me updated about what's happening in his new found career.....had fun talking to him coz i miss my fwend a lot.......

haaaaaayyy......basta i felt good last weekend......i'm hoping that my whole week will be a bomb....i'm expecting that it'll be great!!!!!!

Friday, June 10, 2005

AND SHE WAS GONE...

"And She Was Gone"
By Ginger Foutley

She chose to walk alone
Though others wondered why
Refused to look before her,
Kept eyes cast upwards,
Towards the sky.

She didn't have companions
No need for earthly things.
Only wanted freedom,
From what she felt were
Puppet strings.

She longed to be a bird.
That she might fly away.
She pitied every blade of grass
For planted they would stay.

She longed to be a flame,
That brightly danced alone.
Felt jealous of the steam
That made the air its only home.

Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.

The trees, they say stood witness.
The sky refused to tell.
But someone who had seen it said
The story played out well.

She spread her arms out wide.
Breathed in the break of dawn.
She just let go of all she held...

And then she was gone.

AT PEACE.....

when i woke up last night at around 11pm my auntie said to me....."lam mo na ba???" and i replied, "ang alin???" and then she told me...."wala na si gladys......" i really didn't know how to react on what i heard from her and i just said to her, okei na siguro yun para di na sya mahirapan......then i txted leth and she told me she's crying really hard and i said to her "leth....let's be happy for her at least now she's at peace and she's already with God, we don't have to worry...." siguro mamimiss lang talaga namin sya......up to now i don't know what i'm feeling, i know i'm sad and at the same time i'm happy, it's all mixed up.....later we'll be having a vigil service for gladys at her house......i really don't know what will be my reaction later when i see her.......

gladys we know you're happy, we know you're at peace, we'll be missing you.......di bale magkikita din tayo....we will meet someday........it's not yet goodbye.......

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

LIFE......

i think i slept early on saturday but i woke up 11 pm and didn't had any sleep till sunday morning.....when i'm in the middle of my dreams my phone rang and had a message in it telling me to "pls pray for gladys, she's in the hospital today and in a very serious condition".....then i asked myself, ano kayang nangyari??? by the way, gladys is a friend not a very close one but we had our times.....anyways, i'm not that bothered that morning.....then later in the afternoon leth called me, she's in the ospital ng maynila to visit gladys and told me, "crissel, she's already in coma, she's in the I.C.U and needs to have so many apparatus attached to her" and i hear leth crying on the other end.....at first i was shocked but as i think of it, i said to myself, well God has plans for her.......

sunday afternoon when i went to church, i went to leth's office and saw kathy, abbu, eder, cathie and leth talking about what happened...cathie and leth was crying but i remained calm although my tears are in the verge of falling, then we decided to visit gladys......

outside the I.C.U is gladys' family and we talked to them about what happened, her mom was crying silently but you can see the hurt in her eyes......when i went in and saw gladys lying in the bed with all the equipment attached to her, i can't control my tears anymore they fall like rain in the stormy day, my heart was broken.....it's not the same gladys we used to see......i just prayed that if she's having a hard time and if she's tired, LET GO!!!!.......

i know that whatever happens with this situation God really has plans for her, her family and for us -- her friends.......

i just realize that life is very short that today you may still be breathing, living, enjoying life but tomorrow maybe another story, you may not know when it's gonna end......so better make the most out of each and every day and express everything you feel coz you might not have the chance to do it......do whatever that will make you happy...........we're just passing this life once no second chances...........

Thursday, June 02, 2005

LAZY ME!!!!

laziness is what i feel today...........i don't wanna move, don't wanna talk to anyone..........i'm just too tired of this %^&*!@#$ work..........i wanna rest, physically, emotionally, spiritually!!!! haaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! maybe i just got up at the wrong side of the bed.........my body's still aching because of the sportsfest, dami kong naiisip na di ko naman alam kung ano???? para kong tanga dito sa office, here i am, near the window on the 32nd floor and i'm looking at the furthest thing my eyes can perceive.......and all i can see are buildings, trees, houses, towers, and the thick pollution...............

i wanna think of nothing, freedom is what my mind's asking........freedom from everything..........yet i realized i am still blessed, i'm still breathing, i have my life, i have soooo many things to be thankful for.......but maybe it's just my human weakness......................

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

YEHEY!!!! WE WON, WE WON!!!!

AT LAST!!!!! the sportsfest was finished, although it's tiring, i really did had fun.....1st thing in the morning we just had a meeting but we didn't had any practice so i was very,very scared...will we do it right??? how about the coordination???? can we do it???? when it's our turn already to cheer, i encourage each and everyone not to be scared and be nervous, but it turned out that i am the one whose being panicky and tensed......nevertheless everything went fine and they had a very good coordination and it's very nice to see them including anji (the manager) and keech (the supervisor) having fun doing the cheer and to my surprise anji and keech joined the dancers in their 3rd main dance.......game talaga sila........after the cheering competition, i played volleyball a little then went for my badminton game.............lee and i won in the elimination, after that the championship came and the group decided that anji and i would play the game.......after 4 long, strenuous sets the game was finished and we won!!!! yeheeeeeeeeyy!!! our group also won in the volleyball with the team 2 with mcronn as the coach and pexy as the star player.......on the other hand, we didn't made it in the relay games.........then the awarding came......and the great place to work council is explaining how they graded the cheering competition.......when they announced the winner, everyone in our group was really shocked WE WON!!!! the joy and the excitement is really unexplainable, it was really overwhelming......then they called for the MVP of the womens badminton doubles and i heard my name.......oh my gosh....MVP akalain mo....(1st time ko!!!!) they gave me a medal and a trophy for anji and i for being the womens champ..........and the most awaited moment, they will announce the over-all winner for the 2005 sportsfest and again they called "TRITON WARRIORS" it's us, it's us.......wooooooooohhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooo!!!!! we won!!!! as a prize we had a trophy and 1 paid leave.....(kelan kaya magamit yun???????) i really can't believe it.......all the group's hardwork paid off......kahit pagod na lahat ang saya pa rin, you really can see the joy in their faces, i'm sooooo happy kahit ngayon sobrang parang di ako makagalaw at makagulapay, okei lang, thank God for such blessing......

muddled thoughts!!!!