SHE STAYED!!!
She showed up at my door at the worst possible time, but then her timing had always been impeccable. I had been alone all weekend -- the kids were with their father, and my "close friends" headed for the hills as soon as they heard I was ill. She pounded on my door for a lifetime and would have pounded all weekend if I had not eventually answered. She knew I was there and would not be ignored. I didn't want her there. I didn't know her well enough to let her see my filthy rooms, the sinks and counters piled with moldering dishes. She had no right to see the mounds of laundry or the overflowing and scattered trash. I opened the door a crack and told her to go away.
She said, "No."
She wasn't 5'2" but was strong enough to force herself through the crack I made. She wasn't a friend. I couldn't trust her. I couldn't trust anybody. Everybody leaves because everybody that mattered to me had already left. She would also leave if I let her be my friend. When she knew what was wrong, she would join them and the sooner the better. She had interrupted me. She said, "We were supposed to go fishing today, did you forget?"
I had forgotten. I told her I didn't want to go fishing. I didn't want to go anywhere. I wanted her to leave because I didn't want anyone there. "Please just leave me the hell alone." However, she's older than I by a good 20 years and must know me better than I know her.
She said, "No." She stayed.
I felt desperate. The kids would be back the next day. I didn't want to be alive by then. I would have to deal with life for another two weeks if that happened. I had to get rid of her so I could take care of business. How the hell was I gonna convince this stupid old broad that there were more important things in life than fishing for god's sake? I got mean. I cussed -- a lot. I was drunk already and kept on drinking. She took away my bottle. I fought and lost. It was my last one and she poured it down the drain. Damn she's strong! I told her I needed a nap. I wanted to sleep.
She said, "No." She stayed.
She kept me awake. She put me in the shower. She washed me and washed my hair. It had been a month. It was cold. I yelled. I screamed. I called her every vile name in the book then started making some up. She dried me off and found some clean clothes from god knows where. I told her that she had now done her good deed. She could go. Please just get the hell out.
She said, "No." She stayed.
I passed out. She found my pill bottles (Valium, Remeron, Ambien, Elavil, Xanax, Tofranil, Haldol, even Tylenol and aspirin) all lined up in a neat little row on the table. The caps were off ready to empty. I'm nothing if not methodical. My note was short. There was little to say. "I'm sorry. I'm manic-depressive. I'm useless."
She said, "No." She stayed.
I GUESS ALL OF US ARE LIKE THIS GURL...UNCONDITIONAL FRIENDS!!!
posted by crissel at 6:19 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home