muddled thoughts!!!!

Realize

2008-10-20T19:14:00.003+08:00

Take time to realize, That your worth isCrashing down on in.Take time to realize, That I am on your si-i-i-deDidn't I, didn't I tell you.But I can't spell it out for you, No, it's never gonna be that simpleBut I can't spell it out for you

[Chorus:]If you just realize what I've just realized, Then we'd be perfect for each otherAnd we'll never find anotherJust realized what I just realizedWe'd never have to wonder ifWe missed out on each other now.

[Verse 2:] Take time to realizeOh-oh I'm on your si-i-i-deDidn't I, didn't I tell you.Take time to realizeThat this all can pass byDidn't I didn't I tell you[Refrain:]But I can't spell it out for you, No it's never gonna be that simpleBut I can't spell it out for you.

[Chorus:]If you just realized what I just realizedThen we'd be perfect for each other And we'd never find anotherJust realized what I've just realizedWe'd never have to wonder ifWe missed out on each other but.

[Verse 3:] It's not that the sameNo it's never the sa-a-ameIf you don't feel it too.If you meet me half wayIf you 'd meet me half way.It could be the same for you.

[Chorus:]If you just realize what I just realizedThen we'd be perfect for each otherAnd we'd never find anotherJust realize what I just realizedWe'd never have to wonder no-o-wJust realize what I just realizedIf you just realize what I just realized Oh... Missed out on each other nowMissed out on each other nowMissed out on each other nowRealize, realizeRealize, realize

2008-03-26T08:05:00.002+08:00

The Way I am

If you were falling Then I would catch you
You need a light I'd find a match
Cause I love the way you say good morning And you take me the way I am
If you are chilly Here take my sweater
Your head is aching I'll make it better

Cause I love the way you call me baby And you take me the way I am
I'd buy you Rogaine When you start to losing all your hair
Sew on patches To all you tear
Cause I love you more than I could ever promise And you take me the way I am mmm
you take me the way I am you take me the way I am

STUPID ME!

2007-07-28T06:56:00.000+08:00

To be stupid, this is the very much meaning of loving. And that’s what happened to me…I’m being used but I can’t let go, hinahayaan ko lang…

Everybody thinks I’m strong, they think that I’m happy but inside me is a fainted heart, too weak to move, sometimes too tired to love, drained by all the love that’s been given, exhausted in trying to understand everything that’s happening, vulnerable in believing something, helpless when he says sorry, defenseless when he’s being sweet, and coward in facing the reality that he will never love me. The only thing he can offer is pity, that’s what he has for me…

Nonetheless, I’m happy to have that pity for in that pathetic manner, I have his attention and somehow I have him…

I CAN

2007-05-05T10:13:00.001+08:00

I can be sweet like the sweetest fruit you've ever tasted

But I can be insensitive too, not minding others especially you.

I can be a lot like fire, warm and cozy,

But believe me, I can be like ice as well, cold....very cold!

I can be anything...your choice...

You decide...

I'VE LEARNED

2007-04-26T05:49:00.000+08:00

I've learned that by being born, you are meant to live.
I've learned that by growing, more and more responsibilities will be given.
I've learned that by playing, you tend to lose.
I've learned that by laughing, wrinkles will be lessen.
I've learned that by crying, eyes are being cleansed.
I've learned that by lying, someone is not worth the truth.

I've learned that by loving, you'll get hurt.

I've learned that in pain, hearts are broken,

But the best thing to do is pick up yourself, open your heart and learn to love again.

LETTER

2007-04-16T22:39:00.000+08:00

- A letter for a person who is very dear to me:

Hello!!!
Maybe you're thinking what this letter is all about, right? Actually wala lang...Just wanted to write at this very moment, 2:55 a.m., April 16, 2007...I wanted to express my feelings and here goes:

1st: I want to say sorry for everything I've caused you, for the jokes that are not funny, for the things that only I can explain, for being pushy sometimes, for not giving you what you want, for making things complicated and most of all I'm very sorry that I fell in love. This is all my fault. Sorry.

2nd: is thank you. Thank you for everything...for making me smile, for making me laugh, for making me cry at times, for making me worry, at least I know I still have concern for people. Thank you for making me think, for the times that I'm with you, for the bonding, for the kisses, hugs and touch. Thank you for making feel loved even for just a while. Thank you for making my heart beat one more time, for the trust you've given me...a secret is a secret, don't worry. Thank you for the heartache, at least I don't feel numb. Thank you for the sweetness, thoughtfulness and honesty. Thank you for the text messages, makes me kilig everytime. Thank you for the pictures, a lot of remembrance, huh? I really want to thank you for every second, minute, and hour you've spent with me...every moment is unforgettable...Thank you very much!

3rd: Goodbye. How I wish the feeling lasted but maybe it's not at all meant to be...I've been hurt, yes, maybe it's because of the feeling I have. Even at first you've warned me not to fall too much, I didn't listen...Oh I'm sorry, that is my heart that doesn't want to...it can't help but fall, I really can't dictate. It's okei, cause you've shown me that this is not working, at least. It will be a lot harder if it's only me that wanted love. Even from the start I've given you your freedom in everything, you're not mine and will never be. Since what I'm seeing is that I'm the only one showing concern and love, I've decided to stop. I don't want to be stupid again, giving too much love and not getting any in return. I'm letting go, I'm just too tired asking why? And it looks like you have a new special someone, goodluck to the both of you, I wish you happiness. However, I wanted you to know that I've tried my best...my best not to fall for you, but I did. My best to give you everything, but I can't. My best to make you content with me, but you're not. My best for you to love me, but you don't.

Right now, at this very moment, the feeling is very similar. I've felt this before...betrayed, unloved, lied to, rejected and stupid but I'm not pointing my finger to anyone except for myself...I wanted this.

It's been a great 3-months with you. Don't forget this, you'll always be special and you'll always have a special place in my heart, babe. But for now, I'm letting go...Hope you'll be happy.

- From someone who loves you but didn't have the chance to show it.

MAKE BELIEVE

2007-04-12T21:50:00.000+08:00

I made a fool out of myself. Believing the unbelievable, care for the uncaring, love the unloving and full of self-worth, show loyalty to those I believed stood by my side…but where are they??? They’re all gone…I feel used and feels very bad…while ME the stupid one gave them permission and allowed them to hurt me like this.

I don’t believe in pretensions/inhibitions, what you see in me is the real me, nothing more, nothing less…if I show love or care or concern maybe, that is what I feel. I don’t make false pretenses just for others to see a better me…I’m an affectionate and passionate bitch…if others see this as a bad thing…well, I don’t care. I want to show love, share it to those people in need of it and of course to those who want it as well…but if you selfish a**hole doesn’t need it or want it, tell it straight to my face…don’t use me for your own sake…I’d rather give it to those who wants to accept me as I am…

Now I know, love is really not fair, it could bring the worst in one person and maybe the worst in me…I thought it was fair, I believed that in loving you’ll be happy, but hey, I was wrong…and one more thing not only it’s unfair but it’s confusing as well! One minute you’re pushing me away the other you’re coming to me…I really don’t know now what to believe…you told me I’m special…YOU LIAR!!!

The good side of this is I’ve learned something…NEVER EVER BELIEVE THAT EASY…they are very good in making you believe in something, persuasion is their game…IT’S THEIR TALENT!

TODAY

2007-03-10T06:27:00.000+08:00

what happened today, will never happen tomorrow.so whatever hurt i have inside me should only be felt today alone; learn to let go of the pain for if I don't, i will never be happy...never settle with the problems, i know that it'll pass...the pain i feel is because i looked yesterday without facing the present and considering the future. i know i should deal with what is being offered to me, may it be good or bad, this will make me a better person...

i should be careful, i know...but i never learn...i'm again facing another challenge...can i get out of it??still questioning myself about it...it's just soooo damn hard falling on the ground, broken then trying to get up and fix yourself so that others may think you're okei and doing fine...but nevertheless, you know deep inside you you almost look like shit and you feel so stupid, what can be worst than that huh?

happiness is a choice, i wanted it and i choose it over sadness, anger, hatred, bitterness and whatever. hopefully, someone will help me get out of this mess i have in my life...

heeelllloooo someone, where are you? show yourself please and let me know what i should do to fix my life...i'm waiting...waiting...waiting...

LAST WEEK IN NEPTUNE!!!

2007-01-16T10:30:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since nung last akong nag-post...dami nang nangyari...well wat do u expect...tumatakbo ang buhay...

haaaaayyyy this will be my last week here in Neptune, i will be transferring to another team called PIS "Payment Integrity Services"...o diba mukhang sosyal...kasama ko si marita ung QA ng 2.0...nakakalungkot lang kasi i will be leaving my team (STAR) especially my friendly friends...Dan, Kevin, Pee-ay and Rona...sad, but i guess this what God wants me to take...kasi i prayed really hard for the result of this kasi nga nagdadalawang isip ako...so sabi ko na lang kung papasa eh di meant kung hindi kailangan pa ko dito sa Neptune...eh eto sa kamalas malasan pumasa ko...hahahahaha...meant to be nga siguro...i hope to enjoy this new endeavor! i don't wanna feel sad because of this, i promised myself that i will face it as a challenge and hopefully i get out of this with flying colors... :) btw, i want to take this opportunity to thank all my friends in Star..i will never forget you...we're still in the same company, different floors lang...it is not "goodbye"...it will just be "see you later"...luvyah guys!!!

2 years na ko sa Accenture...nung January 11, akalain mo nga naman na tatagal ako dito...dami nang nawala dami ding bago...truly, people come and people go...but those people that chose another path will be forever part of my life...drama n0h...un lang...

btw, birthday ni Ronn ngayon!!! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! tanda ka na ha...magbago ka na!!!

i think this is it...bye na muna...

MEANTIME GIRL???

2006-10-20T14:50:00.000+08:00

what's a meantime girl? she's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. she's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. she's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. she's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "the one". you know, the one who you keep around in the meantime. she's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. she's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. she's too laid-back; too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. she's too understanding, too comfortable she doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. but she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. you don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. you're not trying to get anything out of substance out of her. she's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. and you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this is the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any romantic feelings for her. it won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. she'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. she's just so cool. why can't all women be like that?! but deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. you know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs, she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do if she really wants to. but you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. maybe she's too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark in her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. so she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. you'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux. she doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. mainly, she blends in with the crowd. she's safe. she doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. but she wants to turn someones head. she wants to be special to someone, too. we all do. she has feelings. she has a heart. in fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart that any woman you've ever known because she's had a front row seat to THE MESS THAT IS YOUR LIFE, and she likes you anyway. she obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is. anyway, yeah. I'm a meantime girl. been one more times than i care to admit. i don't know the reason, really, and at this point i don't even care. i just want to let every guy know whoever had the good fortune to have a meantime girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. a lot. and someday we won't be around...........

ON LEAVE...

2006-10-20T13:50:00.000+08:00

yep, yep, yep...di kayo nagkakamali...i'm not in the office and i'm not working...i'm here in a net cafe doing this entry...YEY!!! i'm on leave...i thought kasi i need a break...pano ba naman, it is still the middle of the month pero nag-uumapaw na ang audits ko...imagine ha, 2 statistical and 2 financial...yesterday nga i was sooooooo frustrated, i even cried like a little child sa office pa ha...kamusta naman yun diba...

right now, i'm trying to be okei...sabi nga ni dan "mind over matter, moments lang 'yan"...

ang buhay nga naman parang ewan...kung saan-saan ka dadalhin at kung anu-anong ipaparanas sa'yo just for the sake that you learn things, minsan pa in a hard way...too sad other people including me have to go through it...but who knows diba, it might turn out to something better like me being the best that i should be....(WOW!!!)

by the way, starting tomorrow we will be having sunday overtime again...why, did u ask? because (read the following words very s----low----ly) we have a backlog of 100,000+ claims...yes!!! a hundred thousand plus claims...actually, it's not our load it's from another vender and if i'm not mistaken from colorado...(o diba sosyal!!!) well, good luck to my team and 4 letters for us W.C.D.I (we can do it)...ano pang silbi ng pagiging best team natin diba...hahahahaha....yabang ko n0h...yaan nyo na, minsan lang to...

o sya...till next time...ciao!!!

THE INSANITY

2006-10-18T15:09:00.000+08:00

Then you wait some more. When you finally got the chance to de-frost your freakin brain, you realize that they've decided to leave. They didn't even bother to say hi. They just left. Left without even coming in. And you sit there wondering "I thought they'll love me."

Everything you do, every diversion that you make, you just can't seem to forget them. Then you ask yourself why these "unforgettable" people have to exist in the first place? And why, for crying out loud, do you have to fall in love with them? And why, after everything that you just did, can't they seem to understand the reason why you do the things that you do? And why, despite you making them the center of your universe, can they not even realize that you actually exist? Why do you have to be a mere dust in their freakinly vast universe?

So you climbed the highest mountain and swam the deepest ocean (regardless of whether you actually knew how to swim) just to let them take you into their world. Stupid you. Like a paper clip drawn into a magnet, you were reeled in. And things got even more complicated. Like an answering machine gone haywire, you spill your guts on them. And before you know it, you're now the very best of friends. You tell them that you're in love. You tell them that you're hurting. You tell them everything except of course that it's them you're in love with. They'll console you. They'll try to make you feel better. Then they'll say, "It's okay. You'll never know. Know what, it might actually turn out that they're in love with you, too, you know. Besides, they're pretty stupid to not realize what a great catch you are." Then they'll look at you and smile. Sheesh.

Your close friends have been telling you to just stop being stupid and stop playing the martyr. Leave them, for goodness'sake. But you just stood your ground and stubbornly refused. They tell you that enough is enough and yet you can't bring yourself to see where they're coming from. All this time you can still say that you're okay. So they'll just shrug their shoulders in resignation and ask you, "tatagal ka ba?" Then you look at them, break down, and in between crying you heart out and blowing your nose, says, "Mahal ko siya e. Kakayanin ko. Mahal ko talaga e."

Time passed and seasons changed but you're still on square one. (Heck, you're not even in the square to begin with.) All those times you've kept your fingers crossed, hoped for a miracle to happen. Guess what? Something did happen. They fell in love. Thing is, not with you. They tell you all about it. You could see them glow, feel their giddy exuberance. You smiled through it all even if you're already breaking down on the inside. You can see their life opening up in front of them; yours on the other hand just stopped dead. But you managed. You don't want them to see you in pain. You don't want to ruin their happiness. Even if you actually died the moment they started living, you continued to exist. For them.

You tried to distance yourself from them. You tried to pretend that nothing's wrong. You tried damn well to make yourself look okay. You never stopped trying. But no matter how much you try, you just can't make yourself unlike them - unlove them. You just can't. Those eyes that smiles each word they say will silently unleash your disobedient imagination. So you tried to console yourself with the thought that you guys are actually friends. "Better have the friendship than have nothing at all", you say.

So you watched them. Watched them grow. Watched them laugh. Watched them fell deeper in love. In between being in love with them and being their friend, you started finding yourself. You realized one dreadful fact: your own person has been etched in their entire being. You shook your head and tried to deny this. You reasoned out that it cannot be possible. You don't need someone to be yourself. You don't need them to find yourself. And definitely not them. They can never be the essence of your life. It's just not possible.

You're just in love with them. They're just your first thought when you wake up every morning. They're just the last person you see in your dreams. They're just a part of your existence, of yourself. They're nothing but the exact embodiment of every graceful fancy that you have acquainted yourself with. They are nothing, really. It's not a big deal that you seem to see them everywhere: on the winds, on the walls, on the clouds, on the light, on the darkness - it's no big deal that you seem to project their image on the nearest blank space. They're nothing but a part of your character: of the good side and of the bad. There's nothing much with them defining your personality, molding your exact persona. It's not really important that you become the person that you are because of them. Or that you want to be a better person to be with them. It doesn't even matter that you've let go of the person that you used to be to deserve them. It doesn't really mean anything that the main reason that you're still breathing, that your heart's still beating, that you want to go on living, is them.

No big deal, really. They're not the essence.

So you continued to exist. Continued to laugh with them. Joke around with them. Lend them your hankie and your shoulder when they're down. Continued being their friend. Continued all the insanity. Continued dying a slow and very painful death. And yet, on the contrary, the essence they bring in your life made you continue on living. It's a never-ending cycle.

Once in your life you will meet someone like them. You will love them. Stay in love with them. And fall in love with them some more. Someone who will make you fight, give up everything, lay bare your soul, open up your heart. Someone who will make you fear tomorrow for you might realize that they're no longer a part of this world but they're still a part of yours- and yet embrace the unknown just the same. Someone who will bring you the most genuine smile and break your heart in a matter of second. Someone who will give meaning into your life and yet not make you the meaning of theirs.

You can always see them, touch them, know them, feel them,but you know in your heart that you can never have them. You can go on loving them, but it won't change the fact that they'll never love you back on the same manner that you loved them. Funny thing though, you can still feel your heart beating..

IT'S BEEN A WHILE

2006-10-17T10:30:00.000+08:00

it's been a while....aside from being busy as in really busy with i don't know what, i can't access my blog in the office...naka-block na kasi...kaya ngayon lang ulit ako nagka-entry...

what's new with me??? NOTHING...as in nothing!!! nakakasawa na nga eh...puro na lang ganun...wala nang excitement sa buhay...but wait lang, bawal ma-bored n0h life is short (while playing "life is so short" by moffatts at the background) didn't i tell you that...live life to the fullest...

by the way, buhay na naman si Al and Ronn, i'm really happy for them with their respective jobs and co-curricular chuva!!! asteeeeg!!!

while doing this entry my officemates are having their lunch...diet kasi ko (char!!!) hinde shempre biro lang yun...i ate a heavy breakfast kasi...eto pa ang malufet, i'm currently as in at this very moment ha, wearing my headset pero wala namang tugtog...wahahahahahaha...isa kong malaking adik!!!!

lapit na CHRISTMAS!!! ano kayang magandang hinging regalo sa mga tao??? think...think...think...hmmmmm....sige...soon i'll be posting my Christmas wish list...and for those people who love me....pleeeeaaaassssseeeee make my wishes come true....bukod shempre dun ung wish ko kay God, secret na lang namin un...it will be between the Father and His daughter....

o sya...till next time guys...continue lang to read kahit walang mashadong bago....MWAH MWAH!!! :)

NOW AND THEN

2006-06-05T10:31:00.000+08:00

before, we call each other just merely casual friends

now, we treat each other as family

before, seeing each other is sometimes enough

now, it seems we can't live without one another

before, your problem is your own

now, whatever bothers you, bothers me as well

before, we laugh at things and make fun at everything

now, no more fun only tears

before, we believe that life is hope

now, we're losing hope and we're losing life

before, you're so warm, I feel nothing but love and friendship

now, like ice, you're so cold

what happened? where's the friendship that once was build by love and bloomed like a flower. maybe like the flower that only blooms in may, our friendship has it's seasons...it has it's own ups and downs...sadness fills my heart, I really miss the friendship we had, the talks, the fun, the love...now i'm here sitting, i'm praying and hoping that everything will be back to normal like before....i would really love that day to come...and i hope that day is soon...

now and then, i know friendship doesn't change....only us.....

2006-04-29T15:52:00.000+08:00

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want.
And that's marriage - with the right person.
You're serious about settling down some time soon.
Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

i just copied this from kevin's blog....na-excite kasi ko nung nakita ko and i was kindda shocked with the results...hehehe :) kayo din try nyo!!!!

JUST WHEN....

2006-04-04T17:35:00.000+08:00

just when you're ready to forget, something comes up that would make you remember.....

just when you're ready to let go, something happens that would make you hold on more....

just when you're ready to be happy, something crops up and make you even more sad....

just when you're ready to be free, something takes place and make you feel that you're a prisoner....

just when you're ready to feel okei and be okei, something occurs and make you realize that you're not....

just when you're ready to think about yourself and not of others, this something passes your way and ruin everything you have planned for....

but hell, as the saying goes just when you're ready to give up, something better will happen...i just hope it's like that....

and finally just when i thought that everything i'm doing was of help to myself, i'm wrong......

CONFUSED MIND?!?!?!?!?!

2006-03-30T18:38:00.000+08:00

i'm here of course in front of my PC, blogging....

honestly, i really don't know what to say or what will be my entry's all about...

i'm really down, and i don't have someone to talk to...it's not that i don't have friends, it's me that don't wanna talk or say anything...

my mind right now is full of everything...thoughts from my very inside, from deep within...

i myself can't explain....

by the way, while doing this non-sense entry, i'm listening to kid rock's ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY....

maybe it's the answer for me right now....only God knows why....

here's the lyrics, try to ponder on it and you'll see that this one's full of sense:

ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY

I've been sitting here,
trying to find myself
I get behind myself
I need to rewind myself
Looking for payback,
listen for the playback
They say that every man bleeds just like me
Now I feel like number one,
yet I'm last in line
I watch my youngest son and
it helps to pass the time
I take too many pills
to helps to ease the pain
I made a couple dollar bills,
but still I feel the same
Everybody knows my name,
they say it way out loud
A lot of folks fuck with me,
it's hard to hang out in crowds
I guess that's the price you pay
to be some big shot like I am
Outstretched stands and one-night stands,
still I cant find love

And when your walls come tumbling down
I will always be around

And when your walls come tumbling down
I will always be around

People don't know about the things I say and do,
they don't understand about the shit that I've been through
It's been so long since I've been home,
I've been gone, I've been gone for way too long,
maybe i forgot all the things I've missed
some how I know there's more to life than this
I said it too many times and I still stand firm
You get what you put in and people get what they deserve

Still I ain't seen mine
No I ain't seen mine
I've been giving just ain't been getting
I've been walking that thin line
So I think I'll keep on walking with my head held high
I'll keep moving on, and Only God Knows Why
Only God, Only God Only God Knows Why
Only God....Knows.... Why, why, why
Only God Knows Why
Take me to that river, hey
Won't you take me to the river,
hey,hey,hey

SHE STAYED!!!

2006-03-13T18:19:00.000+08:00

She showed up at my door at the worst possible time, but then her timing had always been impeccable. I had been alone all weekend -- the kids were with their father, and my "close friends" headed for the hills as soon as they heard I was ill. She pounded on my door for a lifetime and would have pounded all weekend if I had not eventually answered. She knew I was there and would not be ignored. I didn't want her there. I didn't know her well enough to let her see my filthy rooms, the sinks and counters piled with moldering dishes. She had no right to see the mounds of laundry or the overflowing and scattered trash. I opened the door a crack and told her to go away.

She said, "No."

She wasn't 5'2" but was strong enough to force herself through the crack I made. She wasn't a friend. I couldn't trust her. I couldn't trust anybody. Everybody leaves because everybody that mattered to me had already left. She would also leave if I let her be my friend. When she knew what was wrong, she would join them and the sooner the better. She had interrupted me. She said, "We were supposed to go fishing today, did you forget?"

I had forgotten. I told her I didn't want to go fishing. I didn't want to go anywhere. I wanted her to leave because I didn't want anyone there. "Please just leave me the hell alone." However, she's older than I by a good 20 years and must know me better than I know her.

She said, "No." She stayed.

I felt desperate. The kids would be back the next day. I didn't want to be alive by then. I would have to deal with life for another two weeks if that happened. I had to get rid of her so I could take care of business. How the hell was I gonna convince this stupid old broad that there were more important things in life than fishing for god's sake? I got mean. I cussed -- a lot. I was drunk already and kept on drinking. She took away my bottle. I fought and lost. It was my last one and she poured it down the drain. Damn she's strong! I told her I needed a nap. I wanted to sleep.

She said, "No." She stayed.

She kept me awake. She put me in the shower. She washed me and washed my hair. It had been a month. It was cold. I yelled. I screamed. I called her every vile name in the book then started making some up. She dried me off and found some clean clothes from god knows where. I told her that she had now done her good deed. She could go. Please just get the hell out.

She said, "No." She stayed.

I passed out. She found my pill bottles (Valium, Remeron, Ambien, Elavil, Xanax, Tofranil, Haldol, even Tylenol and aspirin) all lined up in a neat little row on the table. The caps were off ready to empty. I'm nothing if not methodical. My note was short. There was little to say. "I'm sorry. I'm manic-depressive. I'm useless."

She said, "No." She stayed.

I GUESS ALL OF US ARE LIKE THIS GURL...UNCONDITIONAL FRIENDS!!!

ARE YOU STRESSED???

2006-03-09T09:36:00.000+08:00

36 CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS

An angel says, "Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."

Pray
Go to bed on time
Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed
Say NO to projects that won't fit into your time schedule or that will compromise you mental health
Delegate tasks to capable others
Simplify and unclutter your life
Less is more (although one is often not enough, two are often too many)
Allow extra time to do things and to get to places
Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; Don't lump the hard things all together
Take one day at a time
Separate worries form concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it
Live within your budget; Don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases
Have backups (always); An extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut) This single piece of ad-vice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble
Do something for the kid in you everyday
Carry a BIBLE with you to read while waiting in line
Get enough rest
Eat right
Get organized so everything has its place
Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life
Write down thoughts and inspirations
Everyday, find time to be alone
Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray
Make friends with Godly people
Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand
Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "THANK YOU JESUS"
Laugh
Laugh some more!
Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all
Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can)
Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most)
Sit on your ego
Talk less; Listen more
Slow down
Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe
Every nigh before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before

GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU!!

"IF GOD IS FOR US, WHO CAN BE AGAINST US?" (ROMANS 8:31)

MARCH NAAAAA!!!!!!

2006-03-03T17:12:00.000+08:00

hey, i'm here again!!! i didn't had time to post anything nung february due to the busy sched sa work and sa life :) hehehehe...daming nangyari ng feb, isa-isahin natin....

feb 14 - valentine's day.....yun lang valentine's lang....date? no date, bahay lang po....but i was happy kasi it's the day of love...although we know we must love each other everyday diba...

feb 19 - nakakawindang na araw, I LOST MY FONE!!! haaaaaaayyyy...here's the story...i went to church late na, it was already i think 2:30 pm coz i felt soooo tired i want to rest...then around 4:45 pm i was looking for my fone in my bag just to check if i got any messages, then WALAHHH!!! my fone is not there anymore...so i called at our house to verify if i left my fone there but when i called my fone to my surprise someone answered...i thought i left it on the cab on my way to church but as far as i can remember i didn't open my bag inside the cab because i was pre-occupied thinking over some things...i felt weird and nervous, how will i explain to my mom that i lost my very valuable fone...but instead of getting mad, my mom just had no reaction...she just advised me to talk to the culprit and ask to give my fone back...sayang lang talaga dahil all my important messages are there since 2001, imagine it was already part of my life...and another thing was i had soooo many pictures there, yah know, friends family and of course mine...since i know that i cannot do anything about it, nag-joke na lang ako...i said naku! baka makita ko na lang yung mga pictures ko sa internet with no clothes on...hehehehe....as if!!! good thing was, my very treasured and good friends (almost my bestfriends) are there...they helped me get over the tragedy...sooo with that i realized things such as never give your trust to someone that easy coz you know, we have a hint who took my fone but nevertheless we're not yet sure, that's why we're keeping quiet about it, 2nd thing is, i've gained my friends more (leth, leo, janette, shad and kathy) thanks to them dahil i didn't had to fret too much losing my cel...anyways my celfone number is still my number, guess that's the good thing with having a line...anyways, forget about it...nangyari na ang dapat mangyari...

feb. 25 - this was the shower party, of course for the bride to be, leth...i was stressed that day kasi daming work, then we did the dashboard discussion and i was preparing for the party as in talking and texting here and there. i got out of the office around 6pm...that was too late...kasi ang usapan is we'll meet at 6:30 pm sa church...eh i will buy the chicken and chips pa...so i think it took me an hour or so to get to ate ynah's pad buti na lang naimbento ang MRT and imagine this nauna pa ko sa kanila...so there we were, ate ynah, kat, janette, ptr. Linda, anne and of course me...pinagtripan namin si leth, we told her that a stripper would come and mag-ingat sya kasi mahal ung bayad namin dun...without knowing that her fiancee would be the stripper (syempre joke lang yun na may stripper)...actually, nakakakilig ung moment na yun...then kwento kwento so nakatulog na kami around 4 or 5 am then i got up at around 7:00 and it was already the start of....

feb. 26 - i went to church at around 8 am because i'm one of the speakers for the Love Forum of the YCC...funny nga yun kasi i played safe on all of my answers...but it was a privilege to share my thoughts kahit mejo sablay...hehehehe...pero i am sleepy the whole day kasi wala kaming tulog galing sa shower party...

feb. 27 - i was preparing myself for the overnight in the Silang Forest Life...dun kasi yung wedding ni leo and leth...so due to my excitement on the the night swimming i bought a two-piece swimsuit, pero di ko din sya nagamit but it's okei at least i have something to use kapag nag-outing kami dito sa office...again, puyat na naman kami coz i went to sleep at 3 am and got up at around 6 am...and ito na ang simula ng...

feb. 28 - the wedding day...as i said i got up at six to prepare somethings needed in the ceremony, we're so busy that i didn't had time to talk to leth on how i really feel...i was very happy for her...no words is enough to explain how glad i am to witness that very special day in her life...of course i was the maid of honor...from the start till end i was crying, ganun pala ung feeling kapag sobrang close mo yung ikakasal, daig ko pa nga ung bride...sobrang iyakin ko talaga!!! after the wedding we rest for a while and head our way back to manila because we need some rest din coz bukas is pasukan na naman sa office...

sooooo i guess that's what happened in february...masaya na malungkot...i've gained and i've lost things in my life but hell, who needs to be sad over the things i've lost diba, from there i've learned, i've cried and maybe i've known myself better...there are still many many things that happened that i cannot tell but i am looking forward this month that it will be great for all of us, less sadness, less problems, less tears but more happiness, more smiles, more laughs...we must live life :)

MY NEW CRUSH!!!

2006-01-31T16:19:00.000+08:00

the new love of my love
Originally uploaded by crissel.

i just saw the movie "Chasing Liberty" on HBO yesterday...(what a loser, ayt!!!) hehehe, then this guy named MATTHEW GOODE made me salivate...my gosh!! look at this face, an angel...and in a scene when he took off his shirt...ahhhh, feels like heaven...yummy!!! look at that hot body with that hot abs...goodness gracious such a gorgeous guy really exist pala...i think i'm in love...hehehehe...

ANG SULAT...

2006-01-17T18:39:00.000+08:00

i'm here again...actually i was hesitating to write this letter dito sa blog kasi mejo personal, but i thought that what's my blog for?? diba kung di ko susulatan ng kung anu-ano....

this letter was an activity in our devotion in the sunday school, and was led byshad...i had tried this a lot of times and maraming beses ko na rin sinunog ung mga letters na ganito...

the activity was to write something to yourself, kahit ano basta ung gusto mo sabihin sa sarili mo...this is kindda' funny and at the same weird but more on the weird side kasi ikaw ba naman sulatan mo sarili mo diba...so brace yourselfsa pagbasa ng weird letter na 'to....by the way, friends, okei lang mag-react,wag lang sobrang violent ha...this is just an activity...so here it goes...

to my dearest crissel,

i know right now na magulo ang utak mo, you have many hang-ups about almost everything...you really don't know you're problem, yun yung problema...alam mong sa sarili mo nagsimula yun, pero bakit wala kang ginagawa...maraming kaibigan ang gustong tumulong pero bakit pakiramdam mo mag-isa ka pa rin, ang dami mong iniisip pero di mo alam ang uunahin...ano ang pinaka problema bakit ka nagkaka-ganyan...sa una, di mo pinapansin pero ngayon lagi mo na nang napapansin...malaki na kasi...

yung mga dapat mong gawin, di mo ginagawa yung mga di naman dapat, yun yung mga ginagawa mo...ano ka ba??? kelan ka ba uli mag-iisip ng matino? naaalala mo badati na lagi kang nandyan para sa iba, kahit sino pa sila...bakit ngayon, nagbago ka puro sarili mo na lang ang iniisip mo, puro problema mo na lang...diba dati nabasa natin na minsan kung wala kang makita solusyon sa problema mo minsan nakakatulong yung makinig sa problema ng iba...eh nasan ka???

ang daming bumabagabag sayo na hindi naman dapat...nakalimutan mo na ba na lagi kang may kasama, na buong mundo mawawala pero hindi SYA...eh anong ginagawa mo? bakit di ka tumawag, humingi ng tulong at magpasaklolo?? siguro nahihiya ka sa mga ginawa mo before pero past is past, what's important is the present...

lagi ka na lang frustrated kahit sa maliit na bagay nafru-frustrate ka...bakit ulit? sabi nga ng bestfriend mo merong plano para sayo, anuman yung mga nangyayari sayo, my dahilan...

sa bawat araw na hinahayaan mong ganyan ka, unti-unti kang lumalayo sa KANYA pati sa kin, di ka ba nag-iisip na baka dumating ang panahon na pati ako, di na rin kita makilala...lagi may chance na binibigay sayo, bakit di mo kaya i-grab, kahit isa lang...itry mo...get out of your comfort zone...

crissel minsan tinanong mo na rin ako kung sino ka bang talaga...sinagot kita...ikaw si crissel yung malapit sa Diyos, mabuting kaibigan sa lahat, di namimili kung sinong tutulungan at ikaw din yung crissel na mabait na nakasama ko simula pagkabata ko...bakit ka nagbago? anong dahilan?? di naman kita iniwan, lagi akong nasa tabi mo at di lang ako pati si God, pero bakit?? siguro u needed time for yourself pero hindi pa ba sapat sayo ang mula pagkabata hanggang ngayon para malaman kung sino ka talaga at ano talaga ang gusto mo??

lagi mong sinasabi na wala kang pakialam sa kung ano yung iisipin ng ibang tao, pero bakit ngayon parang nagiging people pleaser ka na...marami ka nang dapat sagutin sa kin pero minsan di mo ko sinasagot, minsan nga di mo ko pinapansin...malaki na tampo ko sayo, i know you're a good person, but why are you doing this to yourself?? why do you need to deal with this??

si God lagi syang nandyan para sayo pero tulad ko di mo rin sya pinapansin...minsan mo nang sinabi na gusto mong maging tulad ni Joan of Arcadia na kinakausap ni God...alalahanin mo na ikaw lagi ka nyang kinakausp pero tinatalikuran mo sya...pero anong ginagawa nya? lagi pa rin syang nandyan para sayo...maraming beses ka na nyang kinausap pero maraming beses mo na rin syang binastos...di ka ba nahihiya?? o baka naman ginagawa mo nang reason yung hiya mo para di lumapit sa kanya...siguro laki na din ng tampo nya sayo pero okei lang yun, di ka pa rin nya pinapabayaan...mahal ka nya!!! alam mo naman yun diba...pero bakit tuloy ka pa rin sa ginagawa mo?? kelan ka hihinto?? kelan ka titigil? di ka ba napapagod?? ang hirap kasi sayo sarili mo lang iniisip mo, pano na ko? bahagi mo ko diba?? pero bakit parang di ako nag-eexist? ganun ba kalaki problema mo? akala mo ba walang solusyon...sayo ko nga narinig ung linyang "nothing is permanent, it will pass"...

crissel matatapos din lahat yan, just hang on ang call, maraming gustong tumulong, kasama na ko dun...just give us a chance, be fair and listen to everyone, daming nandyan para sayo, mahal ka nila...mali yung mga iniisip mo...di ka mag-isa, marami tayo...dapat nga masaya ka kasi marami kang kaibigan na willing tumulong, you just need to ask, sayo din nanggaling un diba? last na 'to bakit di mo kaya i-apply sa buhay mo yung mga sinasabi mo...

mahal kita...dito lang ako...

CRISSEL

EWAN KO BA!!!!

2006-01-14T16:12:00.000+08:00

ang gulo ng mundo n0h....mabigat ang pakiramdam ko ngayong hapon kc ang gulo ng mundo!!!!!!!

halimbawa tahimik ka lang...ung ibang tao papansinin kung bakit tahimik ka, tatanungin ka kung may sakit ka o masama pakiramdam mo o kaya naman bka may problema ka lang...
tpos sasagutin mo sila ng okei lang ako...para maitago ung nararamdaman mo...sasabihin mo inaantok ka lang pero ang totoo masama ang loob mo, sa kung ano mang dahilan wag na nating pag-usapan...

pag naman in-express mo ang nararamdaman mo at nagsalita ka, may mga nagtatampo at kung ano rin man ang dahilan nila hindi ko alam...sabi nila nagiging tactless ka lang...pero kung halimbawang sa kaibigan mo sinabi ang mga pangungusap o kataga na sa tingin mo eh para lang sa ikakabuti nila at bilangkaibigan karapatan mo at responsibilidad sa mga kanila ang ipaalam ang nasa kalooban mo...mali ba ang magsalita???

ang gulo ng mundo diba....may gawin ka o hindi parang sa dulo ikaw pa din angmali...san ka ngayon lulugar??? sa loob na lang kaya ng banga, malay natin maging halimaw ka pa at least matatakot sa'yo ang mga tao...hindi na kung anu-ano ang nagiging judgement sayo...sabi nga sa isang teen show na napanood ko "sometimes being a friend is hard coz you have to tell the truth even if it sucks"

o sige tama na muna ang negativity...humihingi ako ng tawad at ngayon lang ako nag-update...new year is not that good for me....di ko rin po alam kung bkt???parang di ko lang feel ang new year...2006 na pla di ko namalayan at hanggang ngayon parang wala pa rin akong pakialam...

anyways, hi-ways, byways and all the ways...nangako ako kay baboy na for this year i will read at least 50 books...kasi di ako mahilig magbasa, so as a starter i'm reading pocket size books kasi pag nakakita ako ng makapal mejo nadi-discourage ako dahil parang di ko kayang tapusin at tingnan ko pa lang sya nabo-bore na ko....

so eventhough i didn't had a good start of this year i promised baboy na mag-uubos ako ng oras just reading books, and here's the list of the books that i already read and the books that i want to read in the future....

ALREADY READ:

LITTLE PRINCE by: Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

ANIMAL FARM by: George Orwell

LORD OF THE FLIES by: William Golding

ABNKKBSNPLAko by: Bob Ong

TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE by: Mitch Albom

BY THE RIVER PIEDRA I SAT DOWN AND WEPT by: Paulo Coelho

THE ALCHEMIST by: Paulo Coelho

FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN by: Mitch Albom

ANG PABORITONG LIBRO NI HUDAS by: Bob Ong

ANG ALAMAT NG GUBAT by: Bob Ong

HAVE BABY, WILL DATE by: Andrea Pasion

STEEL LONGGANISA by: Bob Ong

TO BE READ IN THE FUTURE:

NO BOYFRIEND SINCE BIRTH

MR. WRITE

SCREWTAPE LETTERS

MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA

VINCENT'S LIFE

and many more....

goodluck na lang po sa akin....hanggang dito na lang po muna dahil tinatamad na naman ako....

YEY!!! GO SISTAHZ!!!

2005-12-09T09:25:00.000+08:00

WE WON, WE WON!!! after 4 months.....STAR IMAGE team made it again as the best team for project neptune...we really didn't expected it, but as Dennis Tan, the project lead called our team...scream of excitement is all i can hear, see and feel...the feeling was so nice, it's great...after all the hardship and OT's, it all paid off...

many thanks to our manager Ms. A and Ms. Liz our supervisor...and of course to my colleagues who makes the hard and complicated claims seems so easy and light (NAKS!!!)...luv yah guys!!! and of course to our Heavenly Father who continue pouring such blessing to us...

i really can't explain the feeling...happy is not enough to express everything, but inspite of not knowing what to say...i'm very very thankful to everyone!!!

GO SISTAHZ, GO SISTAHZ!!!!!!

STAR ROCKS!!!!

VANITY!

2005-12-03T12:17:00.000+08:00

crissels
Originally uploaded by crissel.

ARTICLES...

2005-12-01T00:32:00.000+08:00

Just read an article and I just wanna’ share..... I know that many can relate to this…. Hehehehe *wink* :)

"JUST A FRIEND"

why do things are like this, 1 minute you're on the mood of going out with a very special friend then another minute comes and they ditch you...isn't it hard to bear such situation, it's like hitting you below the belt - mashadong foul...is it because the reason for ditching is far more important because it’s like he’s doing it every time we have plans or he likes it very much to just drop the plan...maybe I should’ve learned to expect things like this, who am I anyway??? I’m just a friend pretending to be someone special to him but in reality I’m not …so what’s the use of being there for him, di naman nya ko pinapansin??? I would like to answer because I love him and as much as it hurts, he doesn’t… I guess it’s okay, I’ve learned to accept it and I believe that I learned to let go as well but why in the world does it still hurt??? Do I still have feelings for him??? Maybe not, siguro lang I just let myself to be jealous and all…is it my fate to be like this all the time??? I hope not… I don’t want to be hurt… I just hope time will mend and heal my broken heart brought by friendship and then by love…besides I’m just a friend, what more could I be???

Another article…..

“TORTURE”

Why do I hope for something that will not happen??? Am I just to hopeful or gaga lang talaga ko??? The answer is maybe both… I’m here outside my gloomy room waiting for a miracle to come, that someday I might stop hoping and start receiving something I know I deserve – LOVE… here is a girl longing for someone to be with her…waiting…waiting…waiting…waiting for love to come… at times she thinks about it, other times she doesn’t mind, but deep within her, she’s wondering – are they blind and not see me or maybe they see me but in a different way (you know “FRIENDS”) or another maybe is that they see me but they have special someone already… hhhhmmmmmm, hopeful heart and hopeful mind, it’s always been a torture being in love….

THE INSANITY

2005-11-01T05:00:00.000+08:00

It's so freaking hard to fall in love with someone who is in love with someone else. You love them with all your heart and that's basically the end of the story: you love them with all your heart. You try to get away from them, it'll pain you. Let yourself get too close, you'll end up crying just the same. Then you told yourself that maybe you just need to give it some time. So you wait.

Then you wait some more. When you finally got the chance to de-frost your freakin brain, you realize that they've decided to leave. They didn't even bother to say hi. They just left. Left without even coming in. And you sit there wondering "I thought they'll love me."

Everything you do, every diversion that you make, you just can't seem to forget them. Then you ask yourself why these "unforgettable" people have to exist in the first place? And why, for crying out loud, do you have to fall in love with them? And why, after everything that you just did, can't they seem to understand the reason why you do the things that you do? And why, despite you making them the center of your universe, can they not even realize that you actually exist? Why do you have to be a mere dust in their freakinly vast universe?

So you climbed the highest mountain and swam the deepest ocean (regardless of whether you actually knew how to swim) just to let them take you into their world. Stupid you. Like a paper clip drawn into a magnet, you were reeled in. And things got even more complicated. Like an answering machine gone haywire, you spill your guts on them. And before you know it, you're now the very best of friends. You tell them that you're in love. You tell them that you're hurting. You tell them everything except of course that it's them you're in love with. They'll console you. They'll try to make you feel better. Then they'll say, "It's okay. You'll never know. Know what, it might actually turn out that they're in love with you, too, you know. Besides, they're pretty stupid to not realize what a great catch you are." Then they'll look at you and smile. Sheesh.

Your close friends have been telling you to just stop being stupid and stop playing the martyr. Leave them, for goodness'sake. But you just stood your ground and stubbornly refused. They tell you that enough is enough and yet you can't bring yourself to see where they're coming from. All this time you can still say that you're okay. So they'll just shrug their shoulders in resignation and ask you, "tatagal ka ba?" Then you look at them, break down, and in between crying you heart out and blowing your nose, says, "Mahal ko siya e. Kakayanin ko. Mahal ko talaga e."

Time passed and seasons changed but you're still on square one. (Heck, you're not even in the square to begin with.) All those times you've kept your fingers crossed, hoped for a miracle to happen. Guess what? Something did happen. They fell in love. Thing is, not with you. They tell you all about it. You could see them glow, feel their giddy exuberance. You smiled through it all even if you're already breaking down on the inside. You can see their life opening up in front of them; yours on the other hand just stopped dead. But you managed. You don't want them to see you in pain. You don't want to ruin their happiness. Even if you actually died the moment they started living, you continued to exist. For them.

You tried to distance yourself from them. You tried to pretend that nothing's wrong. You tried damn well to make yourself look okay. You never stopped trying. But no matter how much you try, you just can't make yourself unlike them - unlove them. You just can't. Those eyes that smiles each word they say will silently unleash your disobedient imagination. So you tried to console yourself with the thought that you guys are actually friends. "Better have the friendship than have nothing at all", you say.

So you watched them. Watched them grow. Watched them laugh. Watched them fell deeper in love. In between being in love with them and being their friend, you started finding yourself. You realized one dreadful fact: your own person has been etched in their entire being. You shook your head and tried to deny this. You reasoned out that it cannot be possible. You don't need someone to be yourself. You don't need them to find yourself. And definitely not them. They can never be the essence of your life. It's just not possible.

You're just in love with them. They're just your first thought when you wake up every morning. They're just the last person you see in your dreams. They're just a part of your existence, of yourself. They're nothing but the exact embodiment of every graceful fancy that you have acquainted yourself with. They are nothing, really. It's not a big deal that you seem to see them everywhere: on the winds, on the walls, on the clouds, on the light, on the darkness - it's no big deal that you seem to project their image on the nearest blank space. They're nothing but a part of your character: of the good side and of the bad. There's nothing much with them defining your personality, molding your exact persona. It's not really important that you become the person that you are because of them. Or that you want to be a better person to be with them. It doesn't even matter that you've let go of the person that you used to be to deserve them. It doesn't really mean anything that the main reason that you're still breathing, that your heart's still beating, that you want to go on living, is them.

No big deal, really. They're not the essence.

So you continued to exist. Continued to laugh with them. Joke around with them. Lend them your hankie and your shoulder when they're down. Continued being their friend. Continued all the insanity. Continued dying a slow and very painful death. And yet, on the contrary, the essence they bring in your life made you continue on living. It's a never-ending cycle.

Once in your life you will meet someone like them. You will love them. Stay in love with them. And fall in love with them some more. Someone who will make you fight, give up everything, lay bare your soul, open up your heart. Someone who will make you fear tomorrow for you might realize that they're no longer a part of this world but they're still a part of yours- and yet embrace the unknown just the same. Someone who will bring you the most genuine smile and break your heart in a matter of second. Someone who will give meaning into your life and yet not make you the meaning of theirs.

You can always see them, touch them, know them, feel them,but you know in your heart that you can never have them. You can go on loving them, but it won't change the fact that they'll never love you back on the same manner that you loved them.
Funny thing though, you can still feel your heart beating..

I'M BACK!!!!

2005-10-28T05:11:00.000+08:00

WELCOME BACK TO ME!!!! after a month ngayon lang uli ako nag-update ng blog ko...honestly speaking mejo wala kasing magandang kwento tungkol sa kin, if there is that is too personal to be written here, that will be kept inside a different blog...hehehehehe...
wazzup' with me??? as i said, nothing much...tuloy pa din ang buhay...i just have this story for those who reads my blog...
something happened last september that i didn't expected at all to happen, as in i didn't had a clue that it was coming or it will be coming...i will not disclose the whole story but i think you should know...i saw my ex-bestfriend?! at church after eons ago - i don't know when it started basta mahabang kwento un but nevertheless i was happy to see him then after 2 days i texted him saying i was glad to see him again, and guess what he didn't replied to that...i would like to think positive that he didn't replied because he has no load or whatsoever and it's not his character ever since to do such thing...i really felt embarrassed...but came Sunday i had to get off from the church earlier because i'll have a family dinner to attend to. we didn't went to RP manila because we want to be somewhere that we don't usually go so we went to this mall somewhere on earth...then we set off to the national bookstore to buy something...to my surprise and to my shock!!! i saw a very familiar face, at first, i thought i was just hallucinating but it's him, my ex-bestfriend! whadda???? of all the places in the world, who would have thought we'll be bumping in each other's path again here in a mall very far away from the both of us...after the embarrassing moment...i can't believe it...eto ang pamatay, we were standing at 1 ft. away and yet we didn't said a thing...it's very very impossible for him not to see me coz i'm standing right in front of his face...anyways, after the incident i really don't know what to feel...some of my friends said "hayaan mo na sya, it's not your loss!!!" which is right...i just realized then that i did my thing, i reached out and tried but it didn't worked out, one more thing that i realized is i still have my hang-ups with my ex-bestfriend, maybe it's meant to happen and baka hanggang dito na lang talaga...
okidoki, enough said...to the good part naman, night shift na kami yey!!! i really like working at nighteventhough it's kindda' sleepy, konting adjustment lang...grabe ngyon nga di na ko inaantok...bilis ko ngamagprocess dami ko namang error hehehehehehe :) okei lang, that's part of learning and part of growing up as i may say...hehehehehe :)
o sya hanggang dito na lang po muna...till next time...bye bye! *wink*

TOTOHANAN NA 'TO!!!

2005-09-20T14:50:00.000+08:00

my last saturday's post was a bluff...al's last day was changed to tuesday and that is today, at ang malupit pa pinilit ako ni al na mag-blog today...hehehehe...just jokin'...but in reality i'm really thinkin' bout what will happen in the future pag wla na si alboi palaboi and these are some things that i will miss....

1. ang mga pangungulit...(ang pagtawag sa kin ng mataba! aba, nagsalita!)
2. ang walang kamatayang pagdadala ng breakfast na mcdo...(naku! magugutom na ko nyan)
3. ang pagluluto nya ng pasta especially pag nagcre-crave ako...kahit matagal bago nya magawang maluto, niluluto nya pa din...and ang sarap believe me, one of the best pastas' i've ever tasted (especially ung binigay nya nung bday ko!!! tnx uli)
4. ang pagsama nya sa kin sa pagsho-shopping....kahit lam kong galit na galit na sya kapag matagal akong namimili...sinasamahan pa din nya ko....
5. and last is ung pagsama nya sa church (dapat ko pa ba 'tong isama eh linggo-linggo naman syang magsisimba....tama ba ko al? remember what pastora said?)

there are still many more things that i will miss 'bout alboi, but i can't say it all here....(secret na namin un! *wink* hehehe )

i'm really thankful that i had a chance to know this guy....he will be a treasured forever in my heart....a friend sooo sweet, caring and makulit like me....although he will leave the office, i know magkikita pa din kami while he's here in the Philippines, ayt? seriously, words are not enough to describe how thankful and blessed i am to have such a friend like him....

o tama na lokohan, ung totoo naman......hehehehe........eto ang totoo!!!!!!!!

i luv you friend..... :)

ANOTHER SAD DAY :(

2005-09-17T08:40:00.000+08:00

me and al in cpk
Originally uploaded by crissel.
i'm trying not to be affected by al leaving the company, but hell....i can't do it....first was randy, then ronn, and now al...the closest friends i have here in the office -- GONE just like the wind it just passes....i was not blogging about it coz i don't want to think about it but here it is, this is reality...the feeling sucks!!!

just now, al talked to me and to my other team mates and he told us that today is his last day...nag joke pa si iya na "crissel, naiwan ka na wala ka bang balak na sumunod???" haaaayyyy....sobrang nakakalungkot...i know that all i can see today is al laughing, talking to people, making jokes but inside is a person crying for he will be leaving his friends and his team here, eventhough i know a part of him is happy because at last he will be set free from the four walls of this office inside alboi is a lonely heart and a shocked one believe me....by the way, his last day was only announced today.... :(

i don't know what to feel...when ronn left us, we promised to hold on but i guess holding on also means asking yourself are you still happy....can't blame al for leaving and i always say do what makes you happy and do the things that you think can make you a better person...do it now and do it fast...

now, i'm in front of my pc and tears are falling from my eyes...i'm both happy and sad at the same time, happy that he's moving on and doing what he thinks is right but sad coz all the 3 of them already left me...and still i'm here wandering what i'm doing, what i want to do, what i wanna be...

al, i will be sad coz i will not see you anymore here in the office, wala ng magdadala sa kin ng mcdo and wala na kong kakwentuhan about everything....but i'm sure this will not be the last, i believe in the friendship that we've made di ka naman tulad ni ronn diba....just wanna wish you good luck on your life especially on your chosen path, you know that i will always be here come what may!!!! God bless al....don't forget to go to church every sunday ha para di kita mashado mamiss okei!!! luv yah!!!!

PEACE MEN!!!!

2005-09-15T07:01:00.000+08:00

NOTE: Read this and the INTERVIEW WITH GOD with your headsets on.....

PATHWAYS TO PEACE

GOD STRUCK

2005-09-03T14:25:00.000+08:00

INTERVIEW WITH HIM

IS IT ME???

2005-09-03T10:29:00.000+08:00

my bestfriend and i call each other "BABOY" for two reasons, one is we're chubby (it shows believe me)....hehehehe.....and the other is, any term of endearment for bestfriends is too usual and doesn't suit us......that's why we decided to call each other "BABOY".... last sunday baboy gave me an article about the pig zodiac. Even if we're not born under that zodiac we find it very similar with our character......now, wachatink??? is this me or is this me????

PIG

Contrary to its rather negative reputation in the west, the Pig of Chinese astrology may be the most generous and honorable sign of the zodiac. Pigs are nice to a fault and possess impeccable manners and taste. They have so much of the perfectionist in them that others may be inclined to perceive them as snobs, but this is a misconception. Pigs are simply possessed of a truly luxurious nature, one that delights in finery and riches (in surroundings, food, lovemaking, and otherwise.) This sign believes in the best qualities of mankind and certainly doesn't consider itself to be superior. Pigs also care a great deal about friends and family and work hard to keep everyone in their life happy. Helping others is a true pleasure for the Pig, who feels best when everyone else is smiling.

A pig with no one around to appreciate its giving nature is a sad sight. Pigs are so magnanimous, they can appear almost saintly; this can lead some less than-well intentioned souls to stomp all over the sign, and the bad news is, the Pig will take the blows! Pigs make great companions in part because of their refusal to see the more negative or base qualities in a partner, but that rose-colored view can lead to this sign's allowing itself to be taken advantage of. Contrary to their seemingly benign disposition, however, pigs can be quite venomous in response to being crossed by a lover, friend or business partner.

Pigs are highly intelligent creatures, forever studying, playing and probing in their quest for greater knowledge. They can be misinterpreted as being lazy, however due to their love of reveling in the good stuff; this sign could happily spend hours on end making love, napping, taking a long bubble bath or dallying over an incredible spread of rich foods. Pigs tend to make wonderful life partners due to their hearts of gold and their love of family. Even so, pigs can be rather exclusive, choosing to spend time with those who will appreciate them most and ignore the rest of the populace. Pigs would do well to realize that there's more to life than being needed. When they open up their world to a diverse group of people, they will truly bloom.

BAKASYON GRANDE!!!!!

2005-09-01T20:20:00.000+08:00

today is the start of my 2 consecutive vacation leave from the office!!!WOW!!!...hahahahaha...my GOSH!!! think about this, last tuesday our queue was sooooo full...it went about 3,000+ claims...whadda'??? when i saw it i wanna cry, parang di mauubos kaya there's no time to blog or whatsoever...so we did an overtime just to minimize the number on the queues but still, it didn't went down to 2000+...i stayed in the office till 10pm and i'm sooooo damn tired...morning came...2800+ claims in the queue...aaahhhh...AYOKO NA!!! image2 processed 140 claims...first time ever ito!!! then, hindi pa naubos so, we went for an overtime again...this time till 11 pm...but the goodnews is naubos na namin...hhhaaayyy...what a relief...kaso paguwi...sobrang wla na kong lakas, i'm too tired, very very tired!!! my body don't feel anything, i felt sooo numb, siguro sa sobrang stress...buti na lang naubos na...!!!

anyways, byways, hi-ways!!! as i said earlier i am on leave till tomorrow...saya!!!...for today wla akong ginawa kundi matulog at kumain....tomorrow i'll try to relax, i'll try to do the i things never dared to do in my entire life...abangan nyo na lang kung ano ang mga gagawin ko...kung may nagbabasa man ng blog ko...hehehehehehehehe...

I'VE BEEN TAGGED BY ANDIE NA TI-NAG NI RAYMOND

2005-08-18T10:10:00.000+08:00

three names you go by:
1. crissel
2. crissy
3. crisselita

three screen names you have had:
1. baboy
2. hoovie
3. dedebear

three physical things you like about yourself:
1. eyes
2. back (smooth daw kasi!!)
3. shoulders

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. hips (mejo malaki kasi, pero sexy naman daw…..daw lang ha) hehe
2. arms....
3. hair

three parts of your heritage:
1. filipino
2. american
3. spanish

three things that scare you:
1. losing anyone close to me, especially my mom
2. di ako makasama sa rapture (as if!!!!)
3. leaving a person behind

three of your everyday essentials:
1. family
2. friends
3. food

three of your favorite musical artists:
1. kahit sino
2. lang basta
3. magaling……

three of your favorite songs:
1. iris (goo goo dolls)
2. better days (diane reeves)
3. constantly (nina)
* pero marami pa ha….some lang yan’*

three things you want in a relationship:
1. love (first and foremost ha)
2. trust
3. honesty

three lies and truths in no particular order:
lies:
1. that death means goodbye
2. that guys are higher beings than gurls (hah…as if!!!)
3. friends can be lovers but lovers can’t be friends

truths:
1. happiness is a choice (it’s really up to you!!!)
2. that there is no CONTENTMENT in this world
3. that love is the greatest gift of all

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. eyes
2. lips/teeth (basta bibig)
3. clean nails

three of your favorite hobbies:
1. watching tv….
2. eating
3. playing badminton/volleyball

three things you want to do really badly now:
1. travel around the world!!!!
2. go abroad and migrate
3. give the world to my mom

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. be a doctor
2. be a traveler
3. be a designer (if only given the gift of art) hehehehe *wink*

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. paris
2. bangkok
3. rome

three kid's names you like:
1. Princess Sophia
2. Alexander Benedict
3. Zachary Gavin

three things you want to do before you die:
1. travel around the world
2. give the world to my mom, family and friends
3. to be a better me

three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. ayoko ng MAARTE!!!!!!!
2. I love sports and outdoors
3. cowboy ako….

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. i love shopping (clothes, shoes, bags, accessories)
2. kikay ako (minsan!!!!)
3. madaldal ako hehehehehe

three celeb crushes:
1. Johnny Depp
2. Jericho Rosales
3. Johnny Depp harharharhar

my turn to tag...three people that i would like to see take this quiz
*kahit sino basta gusto magtag*

TRIALS

2005-08-09T13:33:00.000+08:00

God's Boxes of Love

I have in my hands two boxes

Which God gave me to hold

He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black,

And all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes

Both my joys and sorrows I stored

But though the gold became heavier each day

The black was as light as before

With curiosity, I opened the black

I wanted to find out why

And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole

Which my sorrows had fallen out by

I showed the hole to God, and mused aloud,

"I wonder where my sorrows could be."

He smiled a gentle smile at me.

"My child, they're all here with me."

I asked, "God, why give me the boxes,

Why the gold, and the black with the hole?"

"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,

the black is for you to let go."

-Author Unknown

God gives us trials so we could be strong....didn't you had a thought that He provides us with problems for us to come to Him, remember Him and call upon His name??? i remember what a friend told me "prayers must be our 1st option not our last resort".....my point is "PRAY" always, may it be in the midst of our shortcomings and trials or we're happy living our life....

hoovieness!

2005-08-05T06:20:00.000+08:00

hoovieness!
Originally uploaded by crissel.

haaaayyyyy.....this peechure was taken on my sister's debut last novermber...tagal na n0h....hoovie!!!! miss you na, di na tyo mashado nagkakasama and nakakalabas....m looking forward na makagimik tayo uli....i rili miss lahat ng kakulitan natin....meeeeoooowwwww.....

BOYS!!!BOYS!!!BOYS!!!

2005-08-02T18:40:00.000+08:00

i went out with this guy, this is our second meeting.....but it all ended up with a fight just like the 1st one......i really didn't get what boys want!?

they'll say they want you and you're their type and keep on telling you that you're different and not like other gurls......but bullsheeeeeeeetttt!!!!! hope they just do what they say, gurls need something tangible to hold on to......i'm soooo fuckin' fed up with your excuses......

sayang.....i'm really on the verge of liking this guy....maybe it's just not meant to be....anyways, there's always 2nd chances and 3rd and 4th.....gaga ko n0h.....

haaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy boys!!! problema lang kayo sa buhay ng mga babae.....(in my own opinion lang naman!!!)

maulit pa kaya 'to.......di ko alam.....hindi ko talaga alam!!!! hmpf.......i'm sooo damn pissed off na parang it's all my fault pa!!! dpat ba kong maguilty i guess not.....dapat lang un sa guy na un....bahala sya sa buhay nya!!!! just wish him, good luck!!!!!.......

aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

MANY THANKS....

2005-07-29T11:39:00.000+08:00

sa mocha blends
Originally uploaded by crissel.

sa wakas napa-upload ko na yung mga peechures.....aliw na aliw talaga ko and besides that, kahapon lang uli kami nagbonding ni al, we went to megamall ate at mcdo and chatted all the way....tpos naisip kong ipaupload na nga ang mga pix kaya heto naka-cd na sya sa tulong ng makabagong teknolohiya at ng kodak :) hehehehehe :) namiss ko si al ha....u know bonding with him and make kwentuhan......(arte!!!) hey, al many thanks po!!!! :) ayyyy before i forget thanks din sa breakfast kanina..... *wink*

jojita and me sa debut ni poch!!!!

2005-07-22T09:26:00.000+08:00

jojita and me sa debut ni poch!!!!
Originally uploaded by crissel.

ganda ng picture namin n0h....this was taken last friday, july 15 on pochay's debut at teatrillo intramuros....and of course new glasses yang suot ko.... :) hehehe :) the party was fun and enjoyable daming taga-church basta masaya....i went home 1am (that late!!! kahit may pasok ako tomorrow tinapos ko un ha) and kenneth dropped me off at our house (tnx kentikoy!) basta maganda ung picture...un lang.....

WEEKEND.....

2005-07-20T13:45:00.000+08:00

I’m sooooo tired this past weekend.....although the claims last Saturday are of smaller number than usual, I felt really tired….. I got home consequently late on Friday night because of Pochay’s debut, I came in at 1am then went to sleep at around 2:30 in the morning and got up 4am……an hour and a half of sleep (waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!) good luck to me!!!! then, I went to the office…..

The plan of goin’ out with ronn and randy was postponed due to ronn’s schedule so instead, ronn, al and I had lunch na lang at mocha blends at emerald avenue….. I was so excited to see ronn after 2 months, ano kaya??? Tumaba kaya o pumayat??? But when we saw him at mini stop…..oh my gosh!!!! (naku!! yun na lang!!!! Ayoko na magsalita, baka saktan ako ni ronn) anyweiz, un nga we had our lunch and kwentuhan about work and everything……then we planned to do this once a month…(ewan ko lang kung matuloy!!!)

afternoon came, it’s time to go home…..we’re going to batangas…..tito ayi just came from Ireland, we’ll have a family get together there…..we went there Saturday night at around 8pm and we arrived at 10pm….. At last, after a long time I’m there to stay at least overnight J……..

I will not let you know every detail of my overnight vacation, just wanna share my overwhelming happiness to see my relatives and talk to them about everything…..i’m really glad to know that my family there are getting close again…..thank God!!!…..

Then Monday, supposed to be my off in the office but not at home I still accompanied my mom to GSIS to secure something…..daming tao nakakapagod silang tingnan…. I’m soooo damn tired seeing people that are not being attended to by the employees and those who are being shouted at…….. haaaaaaaayyyyy…… then I thought, you wouldn’t dare do that to me, coz believe me, I can be a bitch sometimes….. (and being so, at times is kindda good!!!)

MIXED EMOTIONS..... :-) :-(

2005-07-14T09:25:00.000+08:00

crissel
Your Japanese Name Is...

Nozomi Kobayashi

What's your Japanese Name?

hehehehehehehe :) nanggaya na naman ako ng entry of course from my very good fwend AL...... NOZOMI KOBAYASHI is my japanese name....i don't know if this is true or just a joke but anyways nakakatuwang i-blog diba!!!!

by the way, this is last the day of tito here in the office.....he'll be working starting tomorrow on IBM, it's a sad thing that a good friend will leave but it's his call and no matter what we'll never forget the makulit and funny tito.....he will be very missed here!!!! just wanna tell yah that this is not goodbye, it's just see you sometime later......i'll miss you friend.....take care of yourself be happy with your chosen path....God has plans.....just live with it..... :)

A VERY SPECIAL DAY!!!

2005-07-14T09:10:00.000+08:00

yesterday was my birthday!!!! happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me....daming bumati!!grabe ang saya ko, although di ko mashado na-feel na nagbirthday ako, masaya pa din ako....al gave me a very special carbonara pasta....sobrang sarap....asteeeeeeeggggggggggggggg!!!the star team gave me a bouquet and a chocolate moose cake...sobrang touched ako, ang ganda kasi nung flowers and ang sarap nung cake (kahit di ako nakatikim, lam kong masarap yun!!)

i went home early coz' we'll have a dinner, yah know family..sobrang nagmamadali ako umuwi!!para nga akong sira, may dala ksi akong bouquet on the way home...mejo nakakahiya, lahat kasi tumitingin....when i came home, they all said to me..."uy, kanino galing yang flowers?? sa boyfriend mo"....o diba wish ko lang boyfriend ko yung nagbigay nun at wish ko lang din na my boyfriend ako....hehehehehehehe :)

by the way, tito ayi came back in the phils. from ireland...saya!! kaya uwi kaming Batangas coz' we'll celebrate my birthday there!!! after a long time i'll set off my feet to my father's province again....i missed my relatives there very much...

know what!!!! i'm excited....coz' later i'll get my new pair of eyeglasses...sana bagay sa kin n0h....well kahit hindi okei lang, ako naman magsusuot diba....then, tomorrow will be pochay's debut, i still don't know if i'll go or not....and comes saturday we'll be having a gimik....we as in al, randy, ronn and me...magkikita ulit kami after ilang months na din..

anyways, before i end this entry....i would just like to thank again all of my friends who greeted me on my birthday and once again for my team...u guys ROCK!!!!!especially for the wave 2 people!!!!

i loooooovvvvveeeeeeeeee you guys!!!!! GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!

STAR ROCKS!!!!

2005-07-10T08:55:00.000+08:00

kaninang morning, (conyo!!!!) we had our townhall meeting.....

the usual my mga raffles, games and they announced the winners of the poster making and essay writing contest.....luckily, 2 out of 3 winners in the essay writing came from STAR (buti naman!!!!! helloooooo!!!!! sa dami ng sumali sa min, dpat lang my manalo n0h!!!!!)

anyways, daming nanalo sa raffle from our group, swerte nga nila eh.....then the most awaited moment came.....the announcement of the MVP (most valuable processor).....everyone was listening and was paying attention to ms. cel (one of the managers) who will be announcing the winner......

"and the MVP for the month of june is MR. NESTOR CAHANDING"

yeheeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! ang galing ni sir nestor!!!! by the way he's one of our auditors.....grabeeeeeeee saya......CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

HUGO BONG!!! HUGO BONG!!! HUGO BONG!!! HUGO BONG!!!

then the announcement of the "team excellence"......our supervisor said yesterday that we're all qualified and she added that the competition is very tight and we're still in training so that means it's not an assurance for us to qualify for the said award.....sa totoo lang masaya na ko na lahat kami qualified.........

and once again ms. cel declared the winner......."the winner is............ STAR IMAGE!!!!!!!!!"

mas grabe 'to......we don't know how to react.....lahat maingay, masaya, magulo!!!! ang saya saya....we have 1 paid leave each, P500.00 incentive aside from the individual inducement.....but it doesn't matter......what's important is our hard work was recognized and was paid off.....

CONGRATULATIONS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!

STAR ROCKS!!!!!!!!

7 DIVINE SECRETS OF FRIENDSHIP!!!!

2005-07-07T09:00:00.000+08:00

DIVINE SECRET #1: Friends are everywhere.

The trick is to be open to new opportunities. New technologies (that’s Friendster to you!) and avenues are springing up left and right, allowing you to meet new interesting people beyond your ordinary social circles.
Where to meet and make new friends? Try joining more non-office activities, like being a member of a nearby gym, a charity group, or even a group dedicated to a particular hobby or theme.

DIVINE SECRET #2: Chika goes a long way.

You may be the silent type, but if you want to make new friends, or even deepen existing friendships, you’ll need to sharpen that tongue. McGinnis lists these simple talk techniques that can help you strengthen that new friendship:
1. Be liberal with praise.
2. Learn to listen.
3. Dispense advice sparingly.
4. Use your body to demonstrate warmth. Anthropologist David Givens, author of Love Signals, says that mirroring a person’s gestures and posture sends a message that you find them interesting to talk to.

DIVINE SECRET #3: Friends need space.

If you’re supposed to be best friends until you turn grey and die, why isn’t she returning your nightly wrap-up calls? A lot of women find themselves in a confused state when they start feeling their closest chums drawing away from them.
“Too much time, proximity, and closeness can become a bad thing,” says Antonia Perez, author of The Friendship Tree. “In order to grow and deepen a friendship, people need space and time apart as well—a life of their own.”

DIVINE SECRET#4: Friends help you live longer.

We’ve all known secretly that friends are way better (and cheaper!) than going to a shrink or spending thousands of pesos on expensive aromatherapy massages and treatments. But a UCLA study actually discovered that when women run to their friends to distress, they produce higher levels of a hormone called oxytocin, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect.

DIVINE SECRET #5: Friends (and family) should always come first.

Yes , yes, we all know that you’re a modern woman, capable of holding her own among the men—but that doesn’t mean that you should commit the same mistakes they do. While work should be an essential part of your life, it shouldn’t mean that you should place it as your number one priority. The relationships that matter most to you—with your parents, with your religion, and with your friends—these should be given an equal amount of importance in your life.

DIVINE SECRET #6: There are different kinds of friends, for different kinds of reasons.

You’ve probably read the chain email going around: there are friends who will be there for a lifetime, and there are friends who will last as long as this season’s hot new style. While it is ideal to think that certain friendships will last forever, understand that they have been introduced into your life for you to learn a particular life lesson. Be grateful for whatever wisdom or experience these people have contributed to your life, be gracious, and move on.

DIVINE SECRET #7: Be friends with yourself first.

How can you allow yourself to be open to the friendships of other women when you can’t even like yourself first? Bell Hooks, renowned feminist and cultural critic, says in her book All About Love that the first step towards self-love is overcoming low self-esteem. “Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice,” explains Hooks. “Without it, our other efforts to love fail. Although it isn’t impossible, it is very difficult and rare for us to be able to extend unconditional love to others, largely because we cannot exercise control over the behavior of someone else and we cannot predict or utterly control our responses to their actions.”
One of the best ways to begin is to give yourself the attention and caring you may seek from others.

........THIS ARTICLE CAME FROM THE COSMO MAGAZINE........

i find this article very helpful to people who are having a hard time dealing and keeping their friends......this will also be useful if you're already getting tired of the friendship you have.....hope it works for you!!!!!

PRO......

2005-07-02T07:10:00.000+08:00

pro......
Originally uploaded by crissel.

i'm a professional photographer na....akalain mo????

kaya nga yung fone ko, kulang na lang mapuno ng pix eh.....

hehehehehehe....gaya gaya lang talaga ko.....i have seen it on tito and al's blog....mejo inggitera kasi ko....asteeeeeeeggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!! tnx tito!!!!! and al!!!!!!

HOME

2005-07-01T07:47:00.000+08:00

By: Brian Mcknight

Thinking back when we first met, I remember what you said

You said you'd never leave me, I let go of your hand

Built my castle in the sand But I'm reachin' out again

And I'm not letting go Till you

Hold me, Mold me

Sometimes I feel so all alone

See I gotta find my way back home

So why don't you

Shape me, Make me

Wash me whiter than the snow

I gotta find my way

Back home

Master upon my knees I pray, I just want to be the clay

Put your arms around me, Place my life in your hands

Lord I know I'm just a man, I know you understand

This time I'm not letting go Till you

Anoint me, Appoint me

Sometimes I feel so all alone

See I gotta find my way back home

So why don't you

Chastise me, Baptize me

Wash me whiter than the snow

I gotta find my way

'Cause I'm lost and alone

I've been wandering

Long enough to know

Humbly I search for you

And I'm not gonna rest till you

Choose me, Use me

Sometimes I feel so all alone

I'm on my way back home

So why don't you

Direct me, Bless me

Wash me whiter than the snow

I'm on my way

Back home

JUST NOTHING.....

2005-06-29T07:02:00.000+08:00

i'm here sitting in front of my computer doing this blog for nothing.....wala na kong magawa and i don't wanna go home yet....honestly??? right now my mind is blank, can't think of anything....i'm just listening to MYMP's songs but still there's nothing, parang i feel numb and i don't know why....it's raining outside, very gloomy, maybe that's the reason why....i feel sad and lonely when it's raining especially when i'm used in seeing the sun during this time of the day.....one thing more i probably miss someone.................MY BESTFRIEND!!!!

i hope you're reading this....i miss you soooooo much.....i loooooveeeee you!!!!!!!

NAKAKAHIYA!!!!

2005-06-22T07:35:00.000+08:00

i forgot to tell you this!!!!

last saturday, june 18, we had an extemporaneous speaking here in the office...the participants are very good coz they had the guts to do it, if it had been me??for sure i'll faint the moment that i step in the middle....

after each set of speakers, they're having a special number and peeay was one of them, galing talaga!! ang tapang nila.....after all the presenter have done their job and we're still waiting for the announcement of the winners and the judges was still computing for scores, the MC's and the managers called for anyone who wants to sing.....after 2 or 3 volunteers they called for my name and all of a sudden i don't know what to do, i felt really helpless, i may look extrovert outside but i still have this fear of getting humiliated and that other people may make fun of me....but ms. anji (our manager) told me that i have to develop my confidence...actually i have a problem w/ my guts coz i don't have a lot of it.....

looks like i don't have any choice so eventhough my body went numb and i'm so scared of what other people might say, i still did it, i sang "sway", it's just amusing that after what i did....people knows me told me that they are proud of me for doing such thing which by the way boost my confidence somehow.....

thanx guys for the support!!!! :-)

BRINGS IT ALL BACK

2005-06-18T07:30:00.000+08:00

yesterday after lunch i'm in the pantry to wash my utensils, then my officemate (let's pretend that the name of my officemate is RAYMOND.....hehehehehe!!!!) went near me to get a mug and as he walk closer, a smell so familiar caught my attention.....suddenly my mind flew, it brought back something.....a very special and exceptional memory came to me.....the time suddenly stopped, at first i wanna feel sad but then i asked myself "why?".....and i thought there is no good reason to be lonely.....that's why i just enjoy raymond's scent.....brings back the good memories....

by the way just for info raymond's perfume is polo......

it's just funny to think that you'll easily recall something special eventhough you're not thinking of them at all....the reason can be because you just bump into something that most likely reflect a little of that person even just the small things like the smell......

HAPPY AKO..... :-)

2005-06-15T01:51:00.000+08:00

it was so weird last saturday.....it's 5:30, i'm still in the office and i'm not in the mood, then out of nowhere i invited al and arn to have merienda, when we're walking i don't feel like going anymore but since we're there i thought, "why not, for sure it will not take long", so we went. then instantly my mood changed, i don't know why ( it's funny!!!! hehehehe :) ....... no wonder they call me schizo!!!) the thought of "it will not take long" took 4 hrs of staying in Mcdo at St. Francis....we left at 10pm.....the time ran so fast we didn't notice it.....we talked about everything, private lives, secrets, jokes, experiences.......and a whole lot more!!!!

after that, i felt good......i felt happy already......then sunday came, although i went late to church it's fine.....i thought jojie will teach the POSTCOM but sadly she can't come coz her lola's in the hospital (prayers for jojie's lola.....please!!!!)

another thing that made me happy is i had spent time with kathy (a.k.a HOOVIE) again, i miss my dedebear hoovie and leth had an overnight at our house......talked sooooo much about everything......

oh before i forgot i had a chance to talk to r0n and update him with what 's happening here in the office......in the same token he had me updated about what's happening in his new found career.....had fun talking to him coz i miss my fwend a lot.......

haaaaaayyy......basta i felt good last weekend......i'm hoping that my whole week will be a bomb....i'm expecting that it'll be great!!!!!!

AND SHE WAS GONE...

2005-06-10T05:49:00.000+08:00

"And She Was Gone"
By Ginger Foutley

She chose to walk alone
Though others wondered why
Refused to look before her,
Kept eyes cast upwards,
Towards the sky.

She didn't have companions
No need for earthly things.
Only wanted freedom,
From what she felt were
Puppet strings.

She longed to be a bird.
That she might fly away.
She pitied every blade of grass
For planted they would stay.

She longed to be a flame,
That brightly danced alone.
Felt jealous of the steam
That made the air its only home.

Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.

The trees, they say stood witness.
The sky refused to tell.
But someone who had seen it said
The story played out well.

She spread her arms out wide.
Breathed in the break of dawn.
She just let go of all she held...

And then she was gone.

AT PEACE.....

2005-06-10T05:42:00.000+08:00

when i woke up last night at around 11pm my auntie said to me....."lam mo na ba???" and i replied, "ang alin???" and then she told me...."wala na si gladys......" i really didn't know how to react on what i heard from her and i just said to her, okei na siguro yun para di na sya mahirapan......then i txted leth and she told me she's crying really hard and i said to her "leth....let's be happy for her at least now she's at peace and she's already with God, we don't have to worry...." siguro mamimiss lang talaga namin sya......up to now i don't know what i'm feeling, i know i'm sad and at the same time i'm happy, it's all mixed up.....later we'll be having a vigil service for gladys at her house......i really don't know what will be my reaction later when i see her.......

gladys we know you're happy, we know you're at peace, we'll be missing you.......di bale magkikita din tayo....we will meet someday........it's not yet goodbye.......

LIFE......

2005-06-07T23:17:00.000+08:00

i think i slept early on saturday but i woke up 11 pm and didn't had any sleep till sunday morning.....when i'm in the middle of my dreams my phone rang and had a message in it telling me to "pls pray for gladys, she's in the hospital today and in a very serious condition".....then i asked myself, ano kayang nangyari??? by the way, gladys is a friend not a very close one but we had our times.....anyways, i'm not that bothered that morning.....then later in the afternoon leth called me, she's in the ospital ng maynila to visit gladys and told me, "crissel, she's already in coma, she's in the I.C.U and needs to have so many apparatus attached to her" and i hear leth crying on the other end.....at first i was shocked but as i think of it, i said to myself, well God has plans for her.......

sunday afternoon when i went to church, i went to leth's office and saw kathy, abbu, eder, cathie and leth talking about what happened...cathie and leth was crying but i remained calm although my tears are in the verge of falling, then we decided to visit gladys......

outside the I.C.U is gladys' family and we talked to them about what happened, her mom was crying silently but you can see the hurt in her eyes......when i went in and saw gladys lying in the bed with all the equipment attached to her, i can't control my tears anymore they fall like rain in the stormy day, my heart was broken.....it's not the same gladys we used to see......i just prayed that if she's having a hard time and if she's tired, LET GO!!!!.......

i know that whatever happens with this situation God really has plans for her, her family and for us -- her friends.......

i just realize that life is very short that today you may still be breathing, living, enjoying life but tomorrow maybe another story, you may not know when it's gonna end......so better make the most out of each and every day and express everything you feel coz you might not have the chance to do it......do whatever that will make you happy...........we're just passing this life once no second chances...........

LAZY ME!!!!

2005-06-02T23:07:00.000+08:00

laziness is what i feel today...........i don't wanna move, don't wanna talk to anyone..........i'm just too tired of this %^&*!@#$ work..........i wanna rest, physically, emotionally, spiritually!!!! haaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! maybe i just got up at the wrong side of the bed.........my body's still aching because of the sportsfest, dami kong naiisip na di ko naman alam kung ano???? para kong tanga dito sa office, here i am, near the window on the 32nd floor and i'm looking at the furthest thing my eyes can perceive.......and all i can see are buildings, trees, houses, towers, and the thick pollution...............

i wanna think of nothing, freedom is what my mind's asking........freedom from everything..........yet i realized i am still blessed, i'm still breathing, i have my life, i have soooo many things to be thankful for.......but maybe it's just my human weakness......................

YEHEY!!!! WE WON, WE WON!!!!

2005-06-01T23:31:00.000+08:00

AT LAST!!!!! the sportsfest was finished, although it's tiring, i really did had fun.....1st thing in the morning we just had a meeting but we didn't had any practice so i was very,very scared...will we do it right??? how about the coordination???? can we do it???? when it's our turn already to cheer, i encourage each and everyone not to be scared and be nervous, but it turned out that i am the one whose being panicky and tensed......nevertheless everything went fine and they had a very good coordination and it's very nice to see them including anji (the manager) and keech (the supervisor) having fun doing the cheer and to my surprise anji and keech joined the dancers in their 3rd main dance.......game talaga sila........after the cheering competition, i played volleyball a little then went for my badminton game.............lee and i won in the elimination, after that the championship came and the group decided that anji and i would play the game.......after 4 long, strenuous sets the game was finished and we won!!!! yeheeeeeeeeyy!!! our group also won in the volleyball with the team 2 with mcronn as the coach and pexy as the star player.......on the other hand, we didn't made it in the relay games.........then the awarding came......and the great place to work council is explaining how they graded the cheering competition.......when they announced the winner, everyone in our group was really shocked WE WON!!!! the joy and the excitement is really unexplainable, it was really overwhelming......then they called for the MVP of the womens badminton doubles and i heard my name.......oh my gosh....MVP akalain mo....(1st time ko!!!!) they gave me a medal and a trophy for anji and i for being the womens champ..........and the most awaited moment, they will announce the over-all winner for the 2005 sportsfest and again they called "TRITON WARRIORS" it's us, it's us.......wooooooooohhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooo!!!!! we won!!!! as a prize we had a trophy and 1 paid leave.....(kelan kaya magamit yun???????) i really can't believe it.......all the group's hardwork paid off......kahit pagod na lahat ang saya pa rin, you really can see the joy in their faces, i'm sooooo happy kahit ngayon sobrang parang di ako makagalaw at makagulapay, okei lang, thank God for such blessing......

FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME!!!

2005-05-27T23:53:00.000+08:00

yesterday was the last day of ronn in the office.....al and i went on leave for us 3 to bond bago man lang lumipat si ronn......we meet at mocha blends, actually the plan is we meet at 8 but i'm late for about 5 to 10 mins. lang naman but the hell, ronn was very late as in very late, he came at past 9am already, we're very hungry na nga eh.....dami pa daw kasing nagpapicture....by the way, his subordinates gave a caricature of him and wrote dedications at the back.....the dedications his friends gave him are sooo funny.....then we ate breakfast had a little chitchat and then we went to megamall to watch a movie, since the movie will start at 12:40 and we're there earlier we decided to go on malling first, good for al and me coz we need to buy a white shirt for the sportsfest.....when we are about to pay for the t-shirts we noticed an open cashier cubicle so what we did was play "cashier-cashieran"........ano ba namang tingnan kami ng mga tao sa mall.......we just wanna have fun!!!! al played the role of the cashier and ronn played the role of the customer then i took a picture of them........then 12:40 came we went inside the movie house and watched "the house of wax".......it's not really a horror movie but a very morbid and thrilling one.....i went on screaming and cursing coz it's really a suspense film......after the movie, ronn needs to go home coz he have to rest, but before ronn went on he promised that it will not be the last time we'll see each other, and i was very happy to hear it from him......then al and i went to the office for the cheering practice......while walking to the office al and i had a very serious talk....we said to each other "tayo na lang, let's be strong for one another" then we held hands and promised each other to be strong and we'll not mind other people who pushes us down, we'll lift ourselves up and remain sturdy in times of trouble.....we'll hold on no matter what.....

i really had fun yesterday....walang ibang iniisip.....nag-enjoy lang and the bonding was there......hope na maulit yung ganun......sarap mag-leave......!!!!!!!!

for the very first time, nakasama namin si ronn sa ganung gimik, for the very first time i really didn't thought of work......for the very first time i think i've learned to let go somehow.....i'm so happy about it, coz it just means that i'm getting mature (o diba!!!!)............

"being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. it just means you've decided to see life beyond the imperfections. so don't say you're happy coz everything's alright, be happy coz everything sucks but you're doin' just fine"

THE COUNTDOWN CONTINUES…..

2005-05-26T02:45:00.000+08:00

Last night na ni ronn tonight sa office, after that he’ll have a new job na…a new challenge to face….i’m excited for him, I know he really likes his new found job….. good luck na lang po!!! 1 more night and he’s gone….kawawa naman ang “CORNBITS HEARTTHROB” fans club, maiiwan na sila ng idol nila……anyways, forgot to tell you na may isang associate na nagpasign ng autograph kay ronn (o san ka pa!!!! sikat!!!!) hehehehehehe :) can’t help it but to laugh out loud…..grabe ang charms ni mr. Ronald Chan…..wala na kong pagtatawanan sa mga ganung bagay lam nyo naman na ang friend kong si ronn ay isang artist…….(char!!!) i will be on leave tomorrow kasi my lakad kami, just to bond with ronn for the last time.....(pero sana hindi...) baka kasi makalimot na si ronn pag lumipat sya.....you know naman new found friends sa new found office which by the way is healthy.....

i don't wanna say goodbye.... know why??? di naman sya mamamatay or mawawala, he will still be there yun nga lang ibang company na....i'd rather say it this way....."it's not yet goodbye, it's just see you sometime...." o diba better, mas maganda pakinggan kasi parang nakakalungkot naman pag goodbye!!!!!

countdown continues din for the sportsfest.....nxt week na yun!!!! i'm so tired physically.....ayoko ng stress.....sobra na ko sa ganun!!!! haaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy........naku!!!! tinamaan ng magaling....ako napapagod??? bago un ah.....di ata marunong katawan ko nun.....matulog nga di ako marunong, mapagod pa....(char!!!) sa susunod ang sasabihin ko na "ding, ang bato!!!!" hehehehe :) pasensya na ha.....corny ako ngayon.....wala nang magawa dito sa office eh......

WORDS OF WISDOM

2005-05-24T08:19:00.000+08:00

Standing for
what you
believe in,
Regardless of the
odds against you,
and the pressure that tears at your
resistance, means courage

Keeping a smile on your face,
When inside you feel like dying,
For the sake of supporting others,
means strength

Stopping at nothing,
And doing what's in your heart,
You know is right, means determination

Doing more than is expected,
To make another's life a little more bearable,
Without uttering a single complaint,
means compassion

Helping a friend in need,
No matter the time or effort,
To the best of your ability, means loyalty

Giving more than you have, and
expecting nothing
But nothing in return, means selflessness

Holding your head high,
And being the best you know you can be
When life seems to fall apart at your feet,
Facing each difficulty with the confidence
That time will bring you better tomorrows,
And never giving up,
means confidence. -- Unknown

------------------>GANDA DIBA!!!! hope we all have these characteristics.......God bless!!!!!

APAT PA KAMI!!!

2005-05-19T14:21:00.000+08:00

cpk...yum...yum...
Originally uploaded by crissel.

this picture was taken sometime in february.....apat pa kami dyan, nagtreat si randy sa California Pizza Kitchen coz he's already resigned that time....after naging tatlo kami....and soon magiging dalawa na lang....al and i will be left here in the office coz as i said before in my previous entry ronn is resigning....7 days from now...baka sa susunod na picture wala nang tao... hehehehe :) kelan kya uli mauulit yung ganitong picture?????? hhhhhmmmmmmmmm i'm wondering......baka nde na :(

REALLY SAD!!!

2005-05-18T06:30:00.000+08:00

i believe that this is one of the saddest and lowest days here in Accenture.......May, the closest trainor i had with the star team already resigned, her last day was friday.......and today many colleagues of mine told me about the resignation of ronn, although i knew about it, it still bothers me....i'm really sad about ronn leaving Accenture.....ronn is the closest friend i have here in the office, if not the closest -- he's one of the few, my confidant and my "bestfriend" (char!) :).....i'll miss my bud!!! his songs, his jokes, especially the effort to make me feel better......mababawasan na yung makikinig sa mga kalokohan ko!!!! :) but i guess this is just the way it is........it will be hard for the people close to him pero.....ganun talaga yun......i just really hope he'll be happy in his chosen path....i'm happy for him rin it's just that i'm the person who's having a really hard time letting go.........siguro eto yung gustong ituro ni God sa kin...."crissel, don't be too attached to anyone or to anything, remember nothing is permanent, learn to detach.....let go......and this too shall pass...." ---------- may i learn to let go.....marami nang umalis and i've never learned the lesson baka maging tuloy tuloy, lahat ng tao mawala....wag naman sana :( .....this will be another challenge to face!!!! gud luck and God bless to you bud.....if ever you need someone i will still be here for you, i hope you'll be happy on your chosen field.....balitaan mo ko ha....i will really miss you!!! i love you friend!!!! mwaaaahhhh :)

PROMISE -- POSITIVE!!!

2005-05-14T00:30:00.000+08:00

it's 9:30 in the morning....i'm here in the office....still in image training.....my brain is so tired, if only my mind can speak it will shout that it will be heard by the aliens in the next planet.....what we're doing is sooooooooooooo confusing.......mind boggling and very exhausting.....anyweiz, i know i can manage to be more understanding and give more focus on this....God be with me!!!

another thing, it's may's last day today!!!! sad n0h....but we can do nothing it's her choice, sa bagay akong ngang bago gusto magresign, what more sya na matagal na dito......

hhhhmmmmm.....if i can remember it right, i'm not having a very good day since tuesday.....maybe i'm just tired and stressed.....i'll be very busy on the coming days and weeks coz we're preparing for the project's sportsfest.....hope we all have fun, eventhough it will be very strenuous.....(crissel!!!! what the heck!!!! why are you soooo negative??? soooo negastar!!!)

i'm sorry, can't help it especially nowadays.......sige i'll stop it na........i'll be more positive na!!!! i'll hub my attention to the bright side, coz if i remember it right, i was the one who said that no one damaged their eyesight by looking at the brighter side of life......!!! this too shall pass.....there is no such thing as permanent here on earth, evrything is only temporary......

tama na nga parang wla nang mga koneksyon yung mga sinusulat ko!!!!! today's a challenge for me....first, to always look at the brighter side of life.....second, to be happy for other people and learn to detach from them.....and last is to be happy for myself and be content with what i have.....i'll make other people smile coz from there i'll get my own strength........

I'M TIRED!!!! SOOOOOO TIRED!!!!

2005-05-10T08:42:00.000+08:00

it started yesterday, sunday. it's mother's day!!! i attended the 7am service and the message is sooooo good....it's for the mommies....the title is "WHEN M MEETS OTHER" o diba!!!! :) pastora ruth described what a mother means.....

1.) MOTHER means EMPATHY
2.) MOTHER means SACRIFICE
3.) MOTHER means GOD-FEARING

diba ganda!!!! basta all i can say is lahat yan nasa mama ko!!!! my mom is the best in the whole world.

then, 9:30 came i talked to pastora linda and she i asked kung my post-com....she said meron dapat nga si jojie magli-lead kasi inatake sya ng asthma kya ako muna pumalit.....nakakakaba nung una kasi syempre you don't know what to expect from them and what they expect from you.....nung natapos okei naman sila wala kaming ginawa kundi tumawa ng tumawa....i think they enjoyed naman my company and the way i teach.....

after that, i went to the OJ's 29th year anniversary and naglead kmi ni cathie ng singspiration.....ramdam na ramdam ko ang sobrang init sa labas ang lansa pa ng hangin para kasing yung amoy ng manila bay eh umaabot sa church......

tapos, pahinga konti......sunday school naman ng 3pm....san ka pa lagarista ang lola mo!!! after that nalaman ko na babalik si ate ynah and abbu at mag-aassist na si kathy o diba ang saya....dadami na uli kami si rachele na lang kulang....natuwa nga si shad and pastora linda eh....nawalan sila ng isang alalahanin..... :)

by the way, sobrang init pla kahapon as in grabe!!! yung parang ang lagkit ng feeling ba kapag dinikit mo yung kamay mo di na matatanggal.......hehehehe :) after sunday school.....we had a meeting naman about the retreat on sunday.... can't wait.....saya siguro nun....and theme namin "re-commitment" o diba renewal of vows.... :)

then, kumain kami ni leth and ate ynah sa Kenny Rogers daming kwento tpos nakauwi na ko 11:30 pm na.....san ka pa....kala ko end of my day......then i realized na my laro pa pla ko ng badminton tommorow with jv and jk.....

today came, i woke up at around 6:30 am to prepare my things na rin.....nagkita kami nila jv ng 9:30 dito sa ubp.....tpos naglaro kami sa platinum sa ugong, pasig....layo n0h.....at 1pm we left then we dropped jk sa megamall......eto na ang simula ng sobrang nakakapagod na paglalakbay!!!!

after we dropped jk sa megamall we went to banaue to get a new headlight for jv's car, nabangga kasi sya nung umaga.....after that we ate our lunch at Burger King to meet iya na rin.....tpos we went to shell gasoline station to have change of oil.....after waiting....we then went to a car wash and wait again.....tapos hinatid ni jv yung car sa tito nya and dumiretso kmi dito sa ubp via cab....now i'm here doing this entry just to release my very tired spirit.... :) hehehehe joke lang!!!! :) to tell you honestly, i really enjoyed going out with them, tawa lang kami ng tawa.....laglagan dito, tablahan dun......mga adik!!!!!! yes it's tiring and very hot but inspite of it i really enjoyed this day!!!!!

BAGO NA SYA!!!!!

2005-05-07T12:04:00.000+08:00

yehhhheeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! i have a new template for my blog!!!!! i don't know what got into me at bigla akong nagbago ng template.....siguro i needed change a li'l bit......i mean in everything i do.....i need to change my routine, my environment and somehow my character..... :) i hope that this will have a good result on everyone around......

haaaaaaayyyyy......i'll be having a very busy schedule this month......retreats, reunions, and by the way did i tell you na i'll be teaching the post-confirmands, these are kids ages 11 up.....saya!!! magiging hectic nga lang pero it's okei, i love naman what i do :) another challenge to face.....can't wait, i'm excited :)

that was the good news......for the bad news......alam mo ba daming nagresign dito sa work!?! kae regis, mae, doc and soon ronn.....sad but i must face it, it's just reality....as i always say: "if you're not happy, let go!!!!" eh di ayan..... they let go...... hehehehehehe :) sana lang maging masaya sila......i really hope they'll be happy and content in their chosen path.....God bless and good luck para sa kanilang lahat......i'm sad at the same time very happy that they did what makes them happy........ako???? i have plans to resign but di pa ngayon......i promise that i'll be strong and finish my contract.....sana magawa ko!!!!!! good luck sa ating lahat!!!!!

IT HAS ENDED!!!!

2005-04-14T13:35:00.000+08:00

it's over!!!!......we're in the morning shift already, even if i don't want it i have no choice -- we have to be there.....i know i'll be having a hard time coz i'm used to work at night and sleep at morning...i guess my body clock will be affected again..... :) it's kindda sad coz when we left the night shift we also left our other batchmates from 2.0........oh well that's life, you can't have everything that you want..... :) dami ko pa namang close dun.....anyways, camp na both kids and youth i was so disappointed kasi di man lang ako nakadalaw sa kids camp, and i'm not even sure kung makakadalaw ako sa youth coz it will be our training for texas reject letters....funny pa nga kung pano ko nagpaalam to file a leave.....i talked to ms. angie our manager and asked her if i could file a leave on friday, apr. 22,then she asked ms. liz kung malaki ba ang mawawala pag umabsent for that day....then i rememberna training pla un.....sabi pa nga ni ms. liz "okei lang if she can cope up naman"....sobrang ako ung nahiya....she allowed me naman to have my leave kaso parang ako na yung nahiya :) funny n0h :) hehehehe.....tpos kanina nakita nya ko sa pantry and asked me kung itutuloy ko yung leaveko and i just said "parang nahiya na po ako" and natawa lang sya....i just realize na nakakatawaako :) ryt now i still don't know if i'll go but i need to decide agad.....by the way dito na kamisa my pantry nakastation....as in kami lang tpos lahat nagagawa kso mas humigpit sa internet panoba naman 'tong mga kasama ko kahit nagpro-process nagi-internet....pero at least kami lang ang nandito :) nxt week will be another chapter sa buhay namin dito sa accenture...training again forimage naman.....tatagal kaya ako ng 1 year????? malalaman ko din yun tsaka kayo din....kasi me and my bestfriend had a serious talk na we'll finish our contract here, pero lam nyo naman na nagbabago ang tao especially there decisions.....sabi nga nila burn that bridge when you get thereso wag muna nating isipin yun ha.....:) another good thing pala kasama na namin si friendship kevinand rachel sa image....o diba saya na...14 na kami sa image not including wave1 :) nakakakaba kasithey said that the american trainor is kindda strict and forward....i really don't know what to expect but i need to be ready for the worst thing to arrive diba!!! sige hanggang dito na lang muna bka may mga masabi pa kong di dapat....hehehehehe :) *wink*

FRIENDS!!!!

2005-04-02T00:45:00.000+08:00

kailangan bang may masirang friendship ng dahil sa isang tao??? hindi ba mashadong lame??? pero kung iisipin mo meron talagang my nangyayaring ganon diba.... siguro kasi mashado mong pinahahalagahan yung isang tao na sa tingin naman nung isa na nadidisregard na sya o di na sya napapansin hanggang umabot sa point na parang dun ka na lang sa isa....unfair n0h???pano kung gusto mong makasama yung kaibigan mo tpos gusto nya makasama yung isa nyang kaibigan..does she have to choose between the two of them....pano kung nafi-feel mo na yung isa yung pipiliin nya di ba sobrang sakit nun!!! kaya sobra talagang mahirap maging attached, one secondthey're there the next second they're gone....as my bestfriend told me....iba lang daw yung meaning sa kin ng friendship kaya lagi akong nasasaktan pag may nawawala. siguro tama sya sobra kasi ko ma-attached kaya hirap maglet go kung oras na....but for me siguro ganun lang talaga ko mag-treasure ng friends....they do leave footprints agad....hirap maiwan n0h....naranasan mo naba yun na parang nasa ere ka lang....sabi nung iba okei lang yan kasi madami ka namang kaibigan at dadami pa pero siguro di nila naiintindihan na each person has their own identity di ba kahit kambal magkaiba, so kahit gaano kadami pumalit sa kaibigan mo, di nila kayang gawin....distinctkasi sya eh....mag-momorning shift na daw kami....sobrang nakakalungkot kasi diba dmi kong kaibigan sa 2.0 and leaving them in the night shift is hard for me....mababaw ba??? siguro sa iba...haaaayyyy....dumadating talaga sa buhay ng tao na kailangan mawala....gusto kong maniwalang kaya sila dumadating kasi life has enough reasons to do that....maybe i'll learn something from them, hopefully....i don't wanna think about it but i can't help it....pagagalitan na naman ako ng bestfriend ko, sasabihin nya "ayan ka na naman crissel," ksi daw i expect a lot from a person kaya pag nawala sobrang down ako....m trying to change para hindi masakit kala ko ganun lang kadali, mahirap pla.....basta if you know you're on the loosing end unti-unti ka nang bumitaw para di ka biglang malalaglag baka kasi mashado kang masaktan eh....basta ako i'll make sure na i'll take it one step at a time....mahirap na....baka maiwan uli ako......

FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN (by: Mitch Albom)

2005-03-10T20:37:00.000+08:00

BOOKNOTES....

all endings are just beginnings. we just don't know it at the time
when your time came, it cme and that was that.
heaven can be found in the most unlikely places
each of us was in your life for a reason. you may not have known the reason at the time; and that is what heaven is for. for understanding your life on earth
scenery without solace is meaningless
this is the greatest gift God can give you: to understand what happened in your life. to have it explained. it is the peace you have been searching for
when you are an outcast, even a tossed stone can be cherished

1st lesson

that there are no random acts. that we are all connected
fairness does not govern life and death. if it did, no good person would ever die young
why people gather when others die? why people feel they should? it is because the human spirit knows, deep down that all lives intersect. that death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed
strangers are just family you have yet to come to know
no life is a waste, the only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone
it's the thinking that gets you killed
men adopt to captivity, some better than others

2nd lesson

time is not what you think
dying? not the end of everything. we think it is. but what happens on earth is only the beginning
you get to make sense of your yesterdays
sacrifice, we all make them. sacrifice is a part of life. it's supposed to be. it's not something to regret. it's something to aspire
sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. you're just passing it on to someone else
you have peace, when you make it yourself
parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them

3rd lesson

things are not always what they seem
better to be loyal to one another
holding anger is a poison. it eats you from inside. we think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. but hatred is a curved blade. and the harm we do, we do to ourselves
no one is born with anger
love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman
love like rain can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. but sometimes, under the angry heat of of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive

4th lesson

lost love is still love. it takes a different form. memory becomes your partner. you nurture it, you hold it
life has to end, love doesn't
secret of heaven: that each affects the other and the other affects the next; and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one

5th lesson

ACCEPTANCE

ITUTULOY....

2005-03-07T20:15:00.000+08:00

lumipas and umaga, ngunit bumalik muli
dumaan lang ang gabi ng ilang sandali
nagpapatuloy sumikat ang masiglang araw
pagkatapos na ang buwan ay ating matanaw

ang masayang buhay minsa'y tila nagwakas
wag ka nang malulungkot karugtong noo'y bukas
sa sanga ng isang puno may ibong nagpahinga
masdan mo sya muli at lumilipad na

itutuloy, itutuloy dito o doon
itutuloy ang lahat saan man naroon
maganda ang simula kaya't walang katapusan
kung hindi ka hihinto at itutuloy mo lang

wag kang mag-alala, tutuloy ang ligaya
wag mong bibitiwan ang iyong pag-asa
may nagmamasid sayo at dahil mahal ka
lahat ng nais mo ay itutuloy nya

itutuloy, itutuloy dito at doon
itutuloy ang lahat saan man naroon
maganda ang simula kaya walang katapusan
kung hindi ka hihinto at itutuloy mo lang.

it's already 12:58 a.m. i'm not sleepy yet.....so what i did was listen to some cd's....while i'm listening to regine velasquez's rendition of itutuloy it caught my attention....i really don't know what's with the song basta there's something, especially with the lyrics....then i played it and listened to it over and over and over and over and over again....the way i understood it.....the song meant life must go on....or rather life goes on....eventhough we have ups and downs, no matter how sad or happy you are in every aspect of life.....you just need to go on....God is there to give you what you need, there's no reason to stop living.....go on.....move.......always look on the brighter side.....life is still good.....live it, love it and enjoy it......

TAPOS NA KO!!!

2005-03-04T03:06:00.000+08:00

haaaayyyy!!! 3:10 in the morning dito ko sa office, wala na kong ginagawa....maaga ko natapos yung 32 claims, before 1:00am tpos na ko.....naaaakkkkssssss......naghihintay na lang ako ng maraming audits :) hehehehe grabe mga lutang tao dito ngayon...si nicole mashadong masaya...bakit????? because HE'S here....who's he??? secret.....di lang sya marami pa like iya and andie....si captain fe naman sobrang saya din kahapon hanggang ngayon....why???? it's because.....mas secret yon....sensya na!!! mga adik na kami sa claims....nag-aagawan na nga eh!!! yung kabilang class naman mejo okei din sila...konti lang daw yung claims nila....by the way, lam mo ba binasa ni joan yung mukha ko.....sabi nya friendly daw ako, happy go lucky and emotional at tsaka pala madaldal daw ako.....heeeelllllooooooooooooooo.....di ba obvious yun.... :) wahahahahaha....right now, inaayos ng mga trainors yung magiging sitting arrangement sa production sa 34th floor....sino kaya katabi ko??? anyways.....lately i'm okei naman doing great with everything i think?! basta i know life's good.....smile lang ng smile...... :)

THE COKE COMMERCIAL!!

2005-03-01T00:53:00.001+08:00

As i watched and listened to the new coke commercial, I started jotting down the lyrics and analyze the meaning of the song. It simply tells us to hang on with life. Do not be afraid and do not lose hope. After all, life has so much to give…just be patient .

Evryone’s life is driven by something. Right now you may be driven by a problem, a pressure, or a deadline. You may be driven by a painful memory, a haunting fear, or an unconscious belief.
We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it. If you have felt hopeless, hold on!. Wonderful changes are going to happen in your life as you begin to live it in a meaningful way.

Many people are driven by fear. Their fears may be a result of a traumatic experience, unrealistic expectations, growing up in a high – control home, or even genetic predisposition . Regardless of the cause, fear-driven people often miss great opportunities because they’re afraid to venture out. Instead they play it safe, avoiding risks and trying to maintain the status quo.

Knowing your goals gives meaning to your life. When life has meaning, you can bear almost anything; without it, nothing is bearable. Without meaning. life has no significance or hope.
God is the only one who knows for sure what the future holds. If we seek his guidance, we will soon become successful in life. So don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. Do not lose your grip.

NOTE:

by the way, i just read this one....from another blog.....sobrang nagandahan ako and i want to share it to all the people who'll read my blog....hope you'll like it to.... :)

THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM!!!

2005-02-28T20:26:00.000+08:00

two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family.

the family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room.

instead, the andgels were given a small space in the cold basement. as they made

their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it.

when the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied,

"things aren't always what they seem"

the next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable

farmer and his wife. after sharing what little food they had, the couple let the angels

sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. when the sun came up

the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. their only cow,

whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field. the younger angel was

infuriated and he asked the older angel "how could you have possibly let this

happen?"

"the first man had everything, yet you helped him," she

accused. "the second family had little but was willing

to share everything, and you let the cow die."

"things aren't always what they seem"

the older angel replied.

"when we stayed in the basement of the mansion, i noticed there was gold stored in

that hole in the wall. since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to

share his good fortune, i sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. then last night as we

slept in the farmer's bed, the angel of death came for his wife. i gave him the cow

instead.

things aren't always what they seem.

sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. if you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. you might not know it until some time later....so if ever something happened, happens and is happening to you always look at the brighter side of life....there's no harm trying yah know!!!

ANOTHER SUNSET!!!!

2005-02-28T20:04:00.000+08:00

view6
Originally uploaded by alboi palaboi.

what the !@#$%^& @#$%....so beatiful n0h!!! grabeeeeeee.... hayyy sunset...sana lagi na lang sunset....tingnan nyo!!! sino ba naman di maa-attract sa ganda nito....galing talaga ng Diyos!!!

puerto galera sunset

2005-02-25T20:11:00.000+08:00

puerto galera
Originally uploaded by alboi palaboi.

grabe talaga ang sunset....napakapeaceful!!! if i die, i would like to die on the shore by sunset...that't the ideal death for me!!! you know the feeling na tinatawag ka ng langit to be with them and be in peace....sounds scary pero totoo...baka malapit na kong mamatay kaya ganun... :)

HALF LIFE!!!

2005-02-22T20:21:00.000+08:00

a story of true love....sad but yet moving and inspiring....so for those who don't know what true love means, you better read this!!!

i saw him writing a poem and so i asked, "what you thinking?"

he answered sadly, "you..."

the wind blew softly, its breeze touching my skin solemnly. "the sun is about to set. i can feel its fading warmth." with these words i felt his embrace giving me enough reason to stay with him, to fight for him. "it's been five years Earl."

five glorious years, Liz. five wonderful years with you," he said. tears came to him, i felt it flowing on my shoulders.

"don't cry, Earl, nothing will tear us apart. i won't allow it. believe me, fate indeed made us together." he held me stronger. "remember mom and dad? they told me you were not worthy for me, that you'll just break my heart...but you proved them wrong. you made them realize that you are the perfect one for their daughter...their dying daughter."

Earl suddenly locked his body to mine, he held me tighter, as if i were about to fall apart. "i love you, Liz. i won't survive without you. i can't!" he uttered. "please Liza, please stay with me...stay with me...stay with me." his words lingered in my failing senses.

i know it's about time but please God, give me more time to stay with Earl. just this night...just this night...but He didn't hear my plea. pain started to feed my weak heart. everything went black.

am i in heaven Lord? where are the angels? why can't i see one why is it too bright in here? where am i? questions started to come out of me as i asked, crying. why did you allow me to die? what will happen to Earl? to my family? why God? why? don't you understand? i can't die! Earl can't live without me! don't be selfish! please! i beg you! send me back! send me back!!! i sobbed thinking my tears will tears will speak for me.

"my child..." a voice so loud yet not deafening roared in the lighted place. "why are you so hopeless? can't you see? you're with me now. i will take you to my paradise."

"but God," i pleaded. "i can't. Earl, i love him so much. he means everything to me. i don't want to leave him."

"very well, my child," the voice replied. "for i am an understanding God. i'll let you go back in his arms but not in flesh...in spirit. for 5 days you shall be air...this is all i can do for you..."

it was so bright, so blinding. then suddenly, i was in the hospital, in the hallway. i kept running, not knowing which way to go then i saw my father rushing to the elevator. i followed him. i've never seen father so pained; i always regarded him as the strongest man in the world, that nothing can tear him apart for our family draws strength from him. now, i see nothing but a broken man. the elevator stopped. he walked slowly, i walked with him until we reached room 314.

father didn't knock; he held the knob tightly, wishing it wasn't the right room. i could hear mon crying hard. i guess this is it...i said to myself sadly. fathere opened the door and mom rushed to him crying and they held each other tight. in the middle of the room i saw the bed with dextrose, an oxygen tank, and a monitor. is this my life line? if only i can manipulate it. it's going up and down but it's so slow and so frail. then lying on the bed was my body.

i was bombarded with tubes, plasters and an oxygen mask in my face like the ones with tubes , plasters and an oxygen mask in my face like the ones i saw in movies. "hey you!" i blurted out, as i touched the unconscious mass. "why don't you wake up, huh?!" but my hand just passed right through it, and my body was still unresponsive.

the doctor came. "please doctor," i could hear my mon pleading. "do everuthing you can. she's our only daughter."

"yes ma'am, we will," the doctor assured her.

"doc," my father called, "we are capable financially, do whatever it takes to revive Liza."

as i looked at myself lying lifelessly in bed... i remembered the reason why i came back... Earl. where is Earl? why is he not here? what happened to him? fear ran in my veins. i searched every room in the hospital -- but there was no sign of him. though this spirit couldn't feel human limitations, i felt tires... emotionally. desperate, i went back to my room and listened to my parents' talk expecting they might know where he was. but nothing, not even a single mention of his name. maybe they still felt bitter about him.

days passed. my third day on earth. still, my body showed no sign of recovery and was still supported mechanically. Earl was nowhere to be found. maybe God forgot to tell me that i couldn't go out -- i tried to leave the hospital but when i opened the exit door, i found myself back in my room again.

i waited the whole day. i waited the whole night. has Earl abandoned me? i kept asking myslf. n, he won't, he loves me...

fourth day. days seemed so meaningless to me, without seeing the one i love. God, take me back.

resting beside my mother, i overheard father being called by my doctor. "doctor, how is my daughter?" my father asked.

"she's still in coma and her vital signs show no progress," replied the doctor. "mr. de guzman, i believe we should take the risk. that heart will do her no good, it's deteriorating, making her chances blur... i suggest she undergo a heart transplant."

"but doctor, what are the chances of..."

"50/50 sir," the doctor said. "her unconsciousness until now makes it difficult to tell but we will try our best. please come with me so we'll have the papers ready."

i went back to my room, devastated. i saw mom talking to me. she was holding my hand, weeping. "Liz, your father and i love you so much. please don't leave us, you can do it, fight for us. fight for us, Liz! please..."

i hugged mom. this was the first time she talked to me this way, she was always into business and had never talked to me seriously till now. God, i know you are seeing this. please, let me hold mom, even for the last time... without waiting for His approval, i went back to my body. it was difficult to breathe, it was so heavy inside. sacrificing the energy i acquired artificially, i squeezed mom's hand, tightly, lovingly. mom, i'm listening, take good care of dad, i love you both... mom was crying hard, so was my spirit within.

fifth day. i had a seizure after. at 4:00 pm, my body would be operated on. i was starting to doubt Earl. mom and dad were talking in my room. "he was so kind, i didn't think he could do it for Liza." maybe they're talking about my heart donor, who ever he is. i don't care, i'll leave soon, and they can't prevent it.

11:00 am, i went outside and walked steps away from my room. i was reminiscing my days on earth in flesh and in spirit. i was thinking if those days i was alive were fruitful. was i happy during my stay on earth? have i done something worthwhile?

suddenly, i saw my doctor and all those medical personnel rushing a guy in the operating room. they were all splattered with blood. curious, i followed them. it was... it was him!

i shouted frantically. what happened? i shool the doctor, anyone, pleading for an answer but my hands just passed right through them. my God, what happened to you, Earl? he was splashed with blood all over. he was hallucinating.

"they said it was a car accident, only intentionally," one of the nurses said. as the nurse cut his clothes, they saw a note, "maybe this would explain his side."

april 14, 2003
this is all for love. please give my heart to ms. Liza de guzman of room 314. i hope i made it on time... i love her so much.
Earl perez

i heard the doctor weep silently. "this is the man my patient had been waiting for," he said. "astoundingly, he even protected his chest against the crash."

i love you Earl, i love you so much. you didn't have to do this, you shouldn't have... Earl you are too precious... i kissed him pouring out all the emotion this spirit could give.

"Liza, i love you..." Earl responded faintly.

i watched him lose consciousness, uttering my name up to his last breath. i stayed with him, as i promised.

everything became silent. i could not feel those people rushing to remove his heart. we were then left alone.

now here i am, with the man i loved all my life. there is a faint smile in his lips. i never thought everything will end up this way. Earl, i'm sorry i doubted you. please forgive me. i keep holding his chest, his opened chest. if only i can return your heart. i am more willing to die, than to see you this way.

take me God, take me now... i utter painfully. everything is useless now. please i want to be with him now! i want to see him! and there is a light, pulling me towards it. wait for me, Earl, wait for me.

"Liza, thank God you're awake!"

CARD WHATEVER!!!

2005-02-17T20:14:00.000+08:00

this came from a card from the national bookstore na sobrang nakakagising.....hoy!!! hoy!!! gising...

Nothing lasts forever, not even sadness

Before you know it, you'll be goin' along wondering

Why people have to wonder why

And there'll be a six week old puppy lapping at your hand

Or a giggling kid playing a trick and zipping away lightning fast and collapsing and rolling with giggles

Or there'll be a winning team that was the underdog all season

Or there'll be a song you'd forgotten

Or an October sunset when you hadn't planned on having free time

And you'll forget to remember the sad times,

And it will be like HELLO!!!!!, God is pinching you awake....

YOU'RE ALIVE!!!!

o di ba inspiring...galing n0h!!! everything will be okei....problems are part of life pag wala nun corny na....am i right or am i right???

BLESSING!!

2005-02-16T20:27:00.000+08:00

as i woke up kaninang 11:30 a.m., thoughts came to my mind....di na ko makatulog uli....di ba lately i'm a little bit down then naisip ko na why do i have to be sad....dami namang blessings to think about and be thankful for, like friends to be specific...to tell you honestly i'm not that happy with my work but i'll take the advice of my friend, she said that "happiness is a choice"....so it's my choice to be happy and i want to be happy....back to blessings....i believe i'm very blessed inspite of having problems that's why i should be happy....i'm blessed with friends especially here in accenture where i've made new friends and they are such wonderful people....and i want to describe each and everyone of them:

ARN-ARN - the super funny as in....pagnakita mo sya matutuwa ka na...daming jokes tsaka hirit na sobrang nakakatawa...sikat nga 'to sa class kasi panalo talaga sya hirit and by the way did i mention na sweet and thoughtful din sya, dinalhan nya nga kami ng breakfast nung night shift kami....

RECCA - ang seatmate ko nung pre-training, funny and sweet....dami ring kalokohang alam....tinawag ako para lang magpasama sa cr...tama ba un?...basta makulit sya lalo na pagkasama nya si arn-arn...

EARL - the joker, he's so funny....and laging gutom....the guy with the disarming smile and God when he laughs the whole class bursts into laughter too...

KEVIN - "totoy bibo"...my close friendship....why??? secret!!! nung una mukhang mayabang pero mabait din and corny!!!

CHRISTIAN - the bitch kindda' guy....sobrang reklamador....lahat ng makitang bagay may reklamong naiisip....pero infairness he's bibo din like kevin and funny also

FE - the captain...kung my totoy bibo sya si neneng biba...grabe henyo....masaya kasama and funny...looks mataray on the outside but mabait on the inside...

JP - the gym buff...ganda ng chest daig pa ibang gurls my boobs....the sweet guy in the class...he even gave us gifts nung Valentine's Day....

CARLA - my laughter buddy....tinatawanan lahat ng bagay kahit corny...masaya kausap, no dull moments...

ANDIE - my seatmate, and my sisterhood in class kasi magkamukha daw kami sabi ni keech...this gurl is super kulit and super funny and you can talk to her about anything and everything under the sun...we've had our moments you know....

RANDY - the ever famous new york boy...makulit sobrang daming side comments pero grabe nakakatuwa sya...daming napapansin...kaya dami ring natatakot sa kanya pero infairness naman to randy, good person sya and fun to be with...

AL - si al puro na lang si al, si al na walang malay...hehehe....anong walang malay eh puro malay nga yan!!! grabe sarap tumawa nito and lakas mangasar sobra...pero okei lang di naman kami pikon....chika buddy ko din sya and my confidant sa office .....he may look a okei on the outside but think again....

RONN - the ever lutang guy...masaya kasama especially pagmaglalakad kasi hilig nya rin yun...my hobby nga kaming dalawa eh - magbulungan.....pasensya na sa iba mejo confidential talaga yun...he is also my confidant...you can tell everything to him....one more thing hilig sobra sa joke kahit corny!!!

they're my friends dito sa office, sobrang saya namin as in...sobrang kung di ko sila nameet, maybe i'm not here anymore...ikaw na magkaron ng friends tulad nila, sasaya ka din....God really loves me because He gave me friends like these people....i really can't explain how blessed i am and anything i say may not be enough to appreciate them all, and i can keep on saying good things about them but it will not be enough believe me....so i'll shout na lang at the top of my lungs...LOVE Y'ALL!!! be happy!!

"With A Smile"

2005-02-15T20:10:00.000+08:00

just wanna post one of the encouraging songs for me....it really inspires me especially when i'm in the low points of my life....may it encourage you too.....smile :)

lift your head, baby don't be scared
of the things that could go wrong along the way
you'll get by with a smile
you can't win at everything but you can try

baby you don't have to worry
coz' there ain't no need to hurry
no one ever said that there's an easy way
when they're closing all their doors,
they don't want you anymore
this sounds funny but i'll say it anyway

oh i'll stay through the bad times
even if i had to fetch you everyday
you'll get by if you smile
you can never be too happy in this life

in a world where everybody hates a happy ending story
it's a wonder love can make the world go round
but don't let it bring you down
turn your face into a frown
get along with a little prayer and a song

lift your head, baby don't be scared
of the things that could go wrong along the way
you'll get by with a smile
now it's time to kiss away those tears goodbye.....

now isn't it an encouraging one....SMILE :) for you don't know who may be blessed with that simple act....

Another Year, Another Life!!!

2005-02-15T03:01:00.000+08:00

i made this on Dec. 22 2004, i was sitting in our store thinking what the next year will bring... just want to share what i felt that time....kaya ko 'to nasulat....

2004 is passing and 2005 is coming, we've had a lot of ups and downs, some got over it, some not yet. it had been a dreadful time and almost everyone faced a great circumstance in their life...some lost their loved ones, some lost their wealth, some houses, some happiness and some lost their life...for other people it will be very hard to face the coming year, because they fear that tragedy may once again come their way. but why fret and be sad? didn't God promised that He won't give you trials that you can't overcome and go through. He created friends for you to come to and draw strength from, it's one way of God to let you know that He is there, that He will never forget you nor forsake you. trials are made for you to be a better person than you are right now, for you to learn new things and for you to be stronger. it is created to polish you into a shiny and precious gem. In a few days time we'll face another year and i'm sure that it will give us new trials, but we don't have to worry, God is on our side, He'll be there because He loves us very much. we just need to turn our heads to Him and look into our hearts. as the story of the "Footprints in the Sand" says, He will carry us in times of need. count on Him and in Him always, hold on to God. another year, another life, another chance awaits us...live your life, be happy, make the most out of it and make your life worth it for God's love, remember you'll pass this way only once, there's no second chances. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

haaaaaaaaaayyyyy........

2005-02-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

i'm here in the office...it's our break....i didn't have much sleep....as i went on my way here i'm thinking why did God let me be friends with people that will just stay for a short time in my life....yung tipong jive agad kayo, masarap silang kasama tapos you know na they already left their footprints in your life, tapos magiging ganun yung situation....they need to go....it'll be hard for me as in very hard but i need to accept it....i think that's reality, i think that's life....mahirap lang kasi i've been attached to these people, and right now i'm thinking that letting them go will not be as easy as 1...2....3....kanina i was talking to God and i'm telling Him how unfair the world is....sa bagay sino nga namang nagsabi na life is fair??? i was shedding my tears while walking on my way to ubp....and talking to my very long trusted friend made me feel that i am not alone and never will be...nagtatampo nga ako sa kanya eh kasi naman why do i have to feel this kind of pain? however, having a thought of what his promises are, like "i will never leave you nor forsake you" and "i will always be here" which are tried and tested promises already, made me feel that i will never be alone for He is there beside me.....it's not easy to lose a friend but i guess that's part of growing up and that's also a part of life, kung pwede lang na lahat ng bagay gawin mo para lang di sila mawala, i think i will do everything but it will be too selfish of me to do that....i want them to be happy kahit na masaktan ako...why? coz i love them....they may not know it but i really do....with every smile and every laugh i share with them it just makes me feel worse sometimes but in that way i know that i'm leaving my own footprints in their lives....i really hope to feel better soon, and i know i will....i will be very happy if they will stay but if they can't it's okei, i know it will be for our own good and maybe for the better or for the best....i believe God is at work, He has His plans for us....may His will be done!!!

Tuesdays With Morrie (by: MITCH ALBOM)

2005-02-11T20:49:00.000+08:00

this is another fave book of mine. basahin nyo na lang para maintindihan nyo ung gusto ko sabihin....

do i wither up and disappear or do i make the best of my time left?
accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do (pwede kasing humingi ng tulong)
accept the past as past, without denying it or disregarding it
learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others (para masaya buhay!)
don't assume that it's too late to get involved (there's no such thing!!!)
i guess the key to finding the meaning of life is to stop taking out the garbage
the most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in (don't be bitter!!!)
love is the only rational act (Levine)
YOU CLOSED YOUR EYES THAT WAS THE DIFFERENCE. SOMETIMES YOU CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT YOU SEE, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE WHAT YOU FEEL. AND IF YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE OTHER PEOPLE TRUST YOU, YOU MUST FEEL THAT YOU CAN TRUST THEM TOO -- EVEN WHEN YOU'RE IN THE DARK. EVEN WHEN YOU'RE FALLING (trust.....kahit mahirap, sige lang....)
a teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops
once you know how to die, you learn how to live
if you want to experience of having complete responsibility for another human being and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way then you should have children (oo nga eh, gusto ko na nga....kahit walang asawa!)
don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent (don't be too attached, mahirap na...tingnan nyo ko!!!)
as you grow you learn more. aging is not just decay, you know. it's growth. it's more than the negative that you're going to die, it's also the positive that you understand you're going to die and that you live a better life because of it.
you know what really gives you satisfaction? offering others what you have to give (and that's love!!!)
devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning (that's how to find a meaningful life!)
status will get you nowhere
each night when i go to sleep, i die. and the next morning when i wake up, i am reborn (Mahatma Gandhi)
A TEACHER TO THE LAST
be compassionate and take responsibility for each other
forgive yourself before you die then forgive others
death is as natural as life. it's part of the deal we made
death ends a life, not a relationship (friends pa rin tayo ha, kahit wala na ko!!!)
there is no such thing as "too late" in life (sa mga wala pang bf dyan...may pag-asa pa kayo!!!)

By the River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept (by: PAULO COELHO)

2005-02-09T22:35:00.000+08:00

This book is so good!!! so many insights, many things to learn and nakakainlove!!!! i recommend you guys to read this one.....the following are quotes from the book itself...galing talaga.... :)

rarely do we realize that we are in the midst of the extraordinary
the heart decides, and what it decides is all that really matters
there is no good reason for our suffering, for in every love lies the seed of our growth
we suffer because we feel we are giving more than we receive. (mashado kasi tayong selfish!!!)
to love is to be in communion with the other and to discover in that other the spark of God (whow!)
we wil only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen
joy is sometimes a blessing but it is often a conquest
at any given moment in our lives, there are certain things that could have happened but didn't. the magic moments go unrecognized and then suddenly the hand of destiny changes everything
life teaches us many things. it taught me that we can learn, and it taught me that we can change even when it seems impossible (nasa sa'yo lang 'yun!)
no one can lie, no one can hide anything, when he looks directly into someone's eyes. and any woman with the least bit of sensitivity can read the eyes of a man in love (gurls can read man's eyes!)
human wisdom is madness in the eyes of God (tama!!!)
there are moments when you have to take a risk, to do crazy things
love has to be possible. even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire (so.....wag mawalan ng pag-asa!!!)
the wise are wise only because they love. and the foolish are foolish only because they think they can understand love
lovers need to know how to lose themselves and then how to find themselves again
love is much like a dam: if you allow a tiny crack to form through which only a trickle of water can pass, that trickle will quickly bring down the whole structure, and soon no one will be able to control the force of the current (kaya....don't let a tiny crack form into your relationship!!!)
to love is to lose control
love is a trap. when it appears we see only its light not its shadows
there's nothing deeper than love
there are some things in life that are worth fighting for to the end.
the universe always helps us fight for our dreams, no matter how foolish they may be. our dreams are our own, and only we can know the effort required to keep them alive (dream the impossible dream!!!)
it's risky, falling in love
love doesn't need to be discussed, it has its own voice and speaks for itself
love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere
happiness is something that multiplies when it is divided (ano daw???)
the truth resides where there is faith
only a man who is happy can create happiness in others (beeeeee happy!!!)
a divided person cannot face life in a dignified way
waiting is painful. forgetting is painful. but knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering (ouch!!!!)
true love was above all that and that it would be better to die than to fail to love
even if loving meant leaving, or solitude or sorrow, love was worth every penny of its price (ur very much right!!!)
love can only be found through the act of loving
love doesn't ask many questions, because if we stop to think we become fearful. that's why you don't ask - you act (action speaks louder than words!!!)
in order to find God, you have only to look around
love always causes stupidity (tanga talaga!!!)
the closer we get to God through our faith, the simpler He becomes. and the simpler He becomes, the greater is his presence
no single day is the same as any other and that each morning brings its own special miracle (di na pwedeng ulitin!!!)
it's easy to suffer because you love a person. it's easy to suffer for a cause or a mission.
life existed before we were born and will continue to exist after we leave this world (so do what you have to do -- love!!!)
love perseveres. it's men who change (bakit kaya???)
"i am going to sit here with you by the river. if you go home to sleep, i will sleep in front of your house. and if you go away, i will follow you - until you tell me to go away. then i'll leave. but i have to love you for the rest of my life" (haaaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!!!)
dream means work....

sunset!!!

2005-02-09T01:23:00.000+08:00

by the bay
Originally uploaded by crissel.

Coke Theme!!! (galing kc eh!)

2005-02-09T00:47:00.000+08:00

Sana masabi sa awit kong ito,
Lahat ng ninanais nitong puso ko.
Sana saan man patungo sa buhay,
May pag-ibig, may pag-asa, may saya at saysay.

Sana sa bawat sandali'y matikman pa,
Sarap ng pagsasama at simpleng ligaya.
Tara na sakyan lang, malay mo,
ANDYAN LANG, ANDYAN LANG ANG HINAHANAP MO!!!